tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63977128380736169422024-03-12T22:04:57.507-04:00Ask and It will Be Given"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.comBlogger116125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-39352036622691805692016-06-28T09:04:00.001-04:002016-06-28T09:04:27.669-04:00Our Ninth Baby who we never got to meet<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
There were so many days I wanted to write about something on this blog. After infertility, miscarriages and a successful pregnancy, I didn't want this blog to become a Mommy blog. I knew I would have something to update once we began trying for another baby again. Little did I know that I would go onto have another devastating loss - another ectopic pregnancy.<br />
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My very first pregnancy loss was an ectopic and I lost my right fallopian tube after it ruptured. It was the hardest thing I experienced both physically as well as emotionally. Imfertility and miscarriages defined the next several years. God led us to Napro and a good reproductive immunologist who helped us carry our miracle baby to term.<br />
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Even before Joseph turned 6 months, all I could think of was conceiving again and having another precious little one. Since I was breastfeeding, I had to wait till my little one weaned before I could get back on medications. We met with our Napro dr and I got back on progesterone and Metformin. We were not avoiding after my cycles returned postpartum. By the end of last year, we moved to Canada. It was a stressful period for us - new country, husband's new job, finding a place to rent and so on. We also went on a vacation to India since our relatives had not yet met Joseph. By Feb of this year, we got settled in our new home and new city. There was a long wait to see a Napro doctor but I got my first appointment for April.<br />
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On April 6th, I had a positive HPT faint as always. Thus began a long and heart wrenching journey to find that our 9th baby was not growing in my womb but elsewhere. We met with the new Napro dr who helped us a lot in making the right decisions. After 6 ultrasounds, there was no fetal pole or gestational sac to be seen. It was determined that the baby had not grown but the placental cells that had attached to my tube were producing hcg. I got Methotrexate the beginning of May. I had followups for 4 weeks before hcg levels went to non-pregnant levels. Those 2 months felt hopeless in so many ways. I didn't know why God was asking this kind of suffering again. I fought with my husband at the smallest remark. We were stretched beyond our limits and let me tell you it was God alone who sustained ohr marriage during this difficult time. The emotional guilt, the doubts, the fear of death and so many anxieties loomed around me.<br />
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Now that it is behind me and things are somewhat normal, I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from me. I have felt peace and comfort and even joy knowing that the worst is over for now. Of course, I don't want to think about the future because we are not guaranteed a life free of suffering. The desire to have children is so strong but I don't know if I can handle another loss emotionally. I'm always grateful to God for our beautiful 2 year old son who is the light of our lives.<br />
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Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-2136617333194977152015-03-25T14:24:00.004-04:002015-03-25T14:24:35.049-04:00The good, the bad and the ugly<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have been away from blogging land for a long time. I have wanted to post my thoughts for a long time but somehow life became busy. Let me first start by saying we have a happy, healthy, nine month old who is trying to pull hinself up. The past few months were really difficult for me. I was being tested in many ways but by the grace of God, I am much better now.<br />
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The first five months with Joseph were really easy for me as I had my Mom or MIL to take care of us and help us with cooking and everything. Joseph was a good sleeper and he even slept for 6-7 hour stretches during the night when he turned 4 months. He was a content baby and I was a happy mom.<br />
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When the little one turned 6 months old, he became extra clingy and needed me always. Now that I was all alone with Joseph, I had to juggle with household chores, taking care of him and DH. It was demanding but I was getting my grove when the little one caught his first cold which turned to double ear infections. Baby Jo was in pain and had to be held or rocked to sleep. He wouldn't sleep anywhere except in my arms. The nights were long and I was getting very little sleep. DH was helping me but he couldn't take leave from work which meant I was exhausted with the long nights. Though the ear infection cleared after antibiotics, his sleep got worse and worse. He would wake every hour or so and cry. The pacifier wasn't helping. He had to be held or rocked or nursed. By the end of four weeks, I was on the verge of losing my sanity. I felt I was failing as a Mom. I couldn't pacify my baby. I couldn't make him sleep. I didn't know what I was doing wrong. I even thought of CIO but was too weak to try it out. Dh and I spent every free second reading about sleep regression, self-soothing, CIO and what not! I was slowly turning into a sleep-deprived, angry and mean person. As soon as DH got home, I would begin a pity party with a long list of complaints. I would get impatient with DH for everything. The blame game never ended and I hated myself for being so mean. I couldn't bear to be around myself. All I wanted was to walk away to a far away place and sleep.<br />
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Things became so miserable that I would cry almost daily and ask God to give me more patience. I even thought IF was better than motherhood. Yes, this is what sleep deprivation can do to you. I didn't know why God was asking me so much. Maybe I was not fit to be a mother. Oh the thoughts I had during those 6 weeks! One day poor Dh snapped at me and told me I was becoming unbearable. I decided enough was enough and wanted to become a better person that instant. Lent was the perfect time for it! I gave up FB and internet. I needed to fast and focus on my family and my sanity. I bit my tongue every time I wanted to snap. I was slowly coming out of my selfishness. I was learning to put others first before my own selfishness. I learned to control my anger and began finding time for more prayer.<br />
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When Joseph turned 8 months, things began improving gradually. He would sleep for 2-3 stretches and I was glad that we were atleast back to the newborn days. One day, he suddenly decided to play by himself and didn't seem to be all that clingy. My baby was back to being his happy old self. I cried tears of joy. I increased solids to 3 times a day and he began going 4-5 hours between nursing which was a huge relief for me. And then one night, my little one slept for a good solid 7 hours. I thought it was a fluke but no it wasn't. He has only being waking once for the last 5-6 weeks. More sleep means he is a wonderful happy, bubble baby. I realized I have time for myself and God when I gave up FB and senseless browsing. We went for a mini vacation last week to the beach. It was such a welcome change.<br />
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I thank God for making me realize how I cannot do anything without his grace and strength. Motherhood is difficult, physically exhausting. I don't know why I thought motherhood after IF would be easy. I wish people would tell me for once that motherhood is difficult ! With IF, I had so much free time. I was focused only on my needs and wants. I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I had become selfish in ways I didn't realize. I am glad God has opened my eyes and I truly understand what it means dying to self. </div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-84498297462400170432014-12-01T20:59:00.000-05:002014-12-01T20:59:27.611-05:00Exhausted<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<b>Exhausted </b>! Yes, that sums up how I been feeling lately. My son is doing amazing. It's only that I have no energy to do basic stuff like cooking, cleaning and laundry. I felt so well the first four months postpartum but the last few weeks have been terrible. <b>Zero energy</b> and I am <b>hungry </b>all the time. Not joking! I could eat all day! My husband even doubted if I was pregnant. Huh! It also means I am irritated and feel hormonal or PMSey which I have never felt before giving birth. Not to mention how sore and achy my whole body feels. I have horrible muscle cramps on some days.<br />
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I have been trying to troubleshoot why I feel so horrible. Need to set an appt with my Napro dr. I am on my 3rd postpartum cycle and looks like I am in the post peak phase. It could mean my progesterone is way too low contributing to PMS. Maybe my thyroid is all screwed up and need to adjust the dosage of Armour. Maybe, I need to go back on Metformin but I don't want to take unnecessary meds while breastfeeding. I need to lose 15-20 lbs and breastfeeding isn't helping lose the extra pounds. I need to exercise but I have zero energy. Sounds like a loop.<br />
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Looking back at what I had been taking before birth, I decided that I need to take <b>Vitamin D, Calcium</b> and <b>Iron </b>supplements. Yes, it might help and I got some suggestions about <b>Vitamin B12</b>. So I am going to try that too. And after the appointment, I can hopefully be on Progesterone. I don't know if I am missing anything else but I am determined to not miss any of these supplements if it helps me become my old self. Meanwhile, prayer buddy, please say a prayer for me that I can get over this horrible fatigue and function normally.</div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-87580621099180258252014-09-15T15:14:00.001-04:002014-09-15T15:14:17.648-04:00Postpartum Cycles<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<b>Warning: This post is all about postpartum cycles, TTC and hormones. Feel free to skip it.</b><br />
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After our little Joseph was born, I had postpartum bleeding for 2 weeks and then spotting until Week 6. I was so happy when the Lochia ended. It meant we could resume intimacy after well a really long, long time. We were told to avoid intercourse the first half of pregnancy because of all the risks and the bleeding I had. The second half of pregnancy meant I was tired and with a huge belly, intimacy was completely out of question.<br />
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After the Lochia ended, I was dry as a desert. Not fun at all but <b>Coconut Oil</b> helped with all the dryness. However, I had my first period at 9 weeks postpartum. Since I am breastfeeding, I thought it would be a while before my period returned! Wrong! The first period was heavy and crampy. Hello AF! I had mixed emotions at the return of AF. It was a reminder of my broken body and the agonizing years of TTC. It also was a reminder that I had miraculously conceived and carried a baby to term.<br />
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I thought since AF had returned, I would be ovulating and having 30-32 day cycles. Lol! Wrong! Enter Week 12 and I began spotting and had light bleeding for a Week. After that my body has been producing 10KLs for weeks at a time. Looks like there is a big competition going on between breastfeeding and ovulation. Not ideal but right now we are neither trying to achieve nor trying to avoid. The post peak phase will be short the first few postpartum cycles and the chances of a miscarriage are high. We know it will be a while before my cycles regulate and most likely, it will be difficult to conceive while breastfeeding.<br />
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This is where I am torn. I love this baby so much and I just wish that there would be a next time and that the next time, we wouldn't need any treatments to get pregnant and stay pregnant. However, I feel selfish for even thinking of another baby when the Lord has blessed us so amazingly and when there are so many waiting to be blessed with a baby. Seriously, I remember how awful I felt the first 2 weeks postpartum with lack of sleep and all the pain from the stitches. I thought I would never ever have any desire for another baby because it seemed all too difficult to handle. Thankfully, things calmed down after the first 4 weeks and I had a very happy baby. When I see him smiling and cooing, I have baby fever. I don't know if I am insane for even thinking of it. DH thinks there is no serious reason that we should avoid and he is open to as many children as God would bless us with. Once my cycles return to a pattern, I will most likely visit my NaPro doctor to talk about progesterone. I am praying and hoping that there would be a next time but again I feel so selfish.</div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-25758047956029012862014-09-10T13:05:00.001-04:002014-09-10T13:05:10.151-04:003 Months...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have missed blogging. Every time I think of writing something, my little one starts crying and then I have no time. Joseph turned <b>3 months</b> on the 2nd of this month. He has grown so much and is beginning to show his personality. He has become more interactive with us with his funny chuckles and loud sounds. He throws a fight whenever he is sleepy.<br />
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Motherhood is amazing and hard at the same time. I remember how all I wanted the last five years was to have a baby in my arms. Now that Joseph is here, I thought I would be the happiest person in this world but that's not true. Life is still the same with joys and sorrows. Every single day brings it's own struggles. <b>This reminds me why I need to strive for heaven because God alone can bring me perfect happiness.</b> I love Joseph but there is something I miss about our life as two. Those days were painful but it brought us close in so many ways and we trusted in God with all our hearts. I was so used to my life as two that I almost struggle on some days to accept this new reality. I am afraid if I will be able to do my best for Joseph but then again I need to trust God.<br />
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Ok the little one is awake and needs me. I will be back to share more...</div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-85333928145502735952014-07-19T17:49:00.002-04:002014-07-19T17:51:17.156-04:00One Amazing Journey<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Wow! Our little Joseph is going to be <b>7 weeks</b> on Monday. It has been one amazing journey so far. I have been stretched out to my limits in many ways. <b>Motherhood </b>is amazing and extremely difficult at the same time. At least for a new Mommy like me, it is certainly way more tough than I ever imagined. IF certainly made me grow in <b>patience </b>but my little Joseph needs all of me and so I am learning more and more about being patient and tending to his needs rather than satisfying mine.<br />
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The first 2 weeks were really good or I shall say I was in bliss. He was a happy baby. Feed him, change diapers, swaddle him and he would sleep peacefully for 2-3 hours. I had time to get things done. We had just moved to a new house and I used all my free time to arrange stuff. Big Mistake! These are the things I didn't do and wish I had done during the first month.<br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>I didn't nap when he napped. So when evening rolled, I would be really tired and those night time feedings were miserable as all I wanted was to sleep but Joseph had to be held and rocked to sleep after nursing. Some days, I would wake up with a headache. Lesson learned!</li>
<li>I simply climbed up and down the stairs too many times a day and it didn't help with my stitches. I didn't even get time to do Sitz baths. I should have rested and allowed others to do the work. I had my six week postpartum appointment this week and though the stitches have dissolved, there is still an area which is raw and needs healing. Lesson learned! <b>Rest when you can. </b> My back still hurts when I carry him for a while.</li>
<li>I was given a <b>nipple shield</b> by the lactation consultant at the hospital. I didn't hesitate to use it and never read about the consequences. The first week went really well. My milk came in the third day. Joseph would nurse happily and my nipples weren't sore. Wow! I didn't know nursing could be painless when all I had read was about sore nipples.His birth weight was 5lbs and 15oz. At this 3 day checkup, he weighed 5lbs 7oz but by 10 days he had regained his birth weight and weighed 6lbs 1oz. I was happy even if it meant using a nipple shield. Enter week 2 and the stupid shield began falling out and it was a pain to put it back on with a screaming baby specially at night. We tried removing the shield but he wouldn't latch and would cry miserably. By Week 3, I was desperate to get rid of the shield as it meant I couldn't nurse peacefully during night or when I went to church. My Mom and I would try different techniques to make him latch. Poor Joseph would throw up a fight each time. I was ready to give up but my Mom insisted that we teach him to latch and finally by Week 4, my baby learned to latch and we said bye to the shield.</li>
<li>By Week 4, my baby had learned to latch but my nipples became sore and the pain was unbearable. I was ready to throw in the towel. I would be in tears each time he nursed and I was worried he wasn't getting enough milk. Finally, we decided to visit a <b>Lactation Consultant</b>. She corrected his latch and showed me a good position to nurse. She said my supply was really good and he was gaining really well. He weighed 7lbs 7oz. Thankfully, my nipples hadn't cracked and so I didn't need any medication. Looking back, I shouldn't have waited until Week 4 to visit the Lactation Consultant. I thought breastfeeding would be a breeze. In fact, I never read any book or took classes on <b>Breast Feeding</b>. Big Mistake! I thought I would somehow figure it out with my Mom to help. Wrong! There was a limit to what my Mom could do in teaching me and I get upset with all the advice from Mom and MIL.</li>
<li>Somewhere around Week 4, Joseph began crying more and he wanted to be held all the time. We desperately called the Pediatrician's office. The culprit was <b>Gas</b>! My poor one would cry so much and everyone would try different tricks to calm him down like burping, putting him in the car seat and so on. DH didn't want to give him Gripe Water without asking his dr. I was also hesitant to give him the Pacifier before he turned one month. However, my Mom insisted and we gave him the Pacifier 2 days before he turned 4 weeks. My baby was so much calmer and he wasn't screaming so much. At his one month appointment, he weighed 8lbs 7oz and his doctor said we could try Mylicon and Gripe Water for Gas. Of course, we tried <b>Gripe Water</b> after a few days but it didn't really help. I was alarmed by the amount of sweetener used in it.</li>
<li>By Week 5, Joseph was coughing a lot. He would spit up and there would be mucus in it. The cough was scary enough to make us visit his dr. The doctor found no problems and thought it was reflux which was making him cough. The cough went away after a few days. That's when I began noticing how Joseph was spitting up milk many times a day and he would seemed to be in pain. The doctor thought it was <b>Acid Reflux</b>. I have been doing a lot of research on reflux. I am trying to avoiding Dairy. Also, there seems to be a problem with oversupply which is making him spit up.We hold him upright for 30 minutes after feeding him but I guess we need to put him on medication before it gets worse.</li>
</ul>
Overall, my sweet one is a happy baby. Even on days, he is gassy or spitting up a lot, he doesn't fuss much. The best part is that he sleeps well at night. The first few weeks, he slept in his crib but when he turned gassy and was crying, I moved him to our bed by Week 4. Best decision ever! I was scared the first few days to sleep next to him but now I love it. I love sleeping with my little Joseph next to me and it is so easy to check on him when he spits up or coughs. Also, things have settled down over here and these days I nap when he naps. I don't worry about things that need to be done. I know time is flying and that I will never get another chance to be with my newborn who is soon outgrowing his NB cloths.<br />
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Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-15405854082691071702014-06-15T22:21:00.003-04:002014-07-19T16:50:22.283-04:00And There Was Joseph<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
On <b>June 2nd</b>, we welcomed our precious little miracle "<b>Joseph</b>". Thank you my dear Jesus, Mama Mary, St. Gerard, St. Gianna, St. Joseph and all the saints for interceding for us. My water broke on June 1st and after 36 hours, Joseph arrived weighing<b> 5 lbs 15oz</b>. He was born two weeks before his due date but has been perfect in every way. I haven't felt so much joy in my life and I haven't cried so much. The tears haven't stopped. Each time I hold our little Joseph in my hands, my heart overflows with gratitude.<br />
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This all seems surreal to me. Being a mother to a tiny, little one is certainly amazing and exhausting. I always fear that I am going to mess up my role as a new mother. I still can't believe that Joseph grew in my womb for nine months. Those nine months were so special. I can never forget how we prayed for our little one every single day, how our hearts filled with joy at those little kicks and movements. I wasn't even prepared for labor and delivery. After all, I thought I would go past 40 weeks as I never had any contractions. I still had plenty of stuff to do before he arrived but God had other plans. My water broke when I least expected and so I had very little time to worry about labor. I had to get to the hospital and once we were there, I knew we were going to meet him soon. My anxiety went away and I was ready to meet our miracle.<br />
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I will never forget the moment when they placed him on my abdomen. I have never cried so much in my life. Those tiny hands and feet, wide open eyes all clinging onto me. It was as if time was standing still.<br />
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Yesterday, Joseph was <b>baptized </b>and welcomed into the Church. What a great blessing from God. We had always prayed that our baby would be baptized and God has blessed us abundantly. Thank You Lord for everything that you have done for us! Our hearts overflow with joy and gratitude.<br />
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<b>Deo Gratias!</b></div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-6863935052219339762014-05-28T16:40:00.001-04:002014-05-28T16:40:22.756-04:00Six Years<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
On Memorial Day, we celebrated our 6th Wedding Anniversary. Our first anniversary as 3 instead of 2. Thank You my dear Lord! I feel so humbled and unworthy for this great gift from God. After being so used to celebrating every anniversary as 2, this time it felt so different.<br />
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The last week was really crazy over here. Remember how I told things were going so well over here. My in-laws came last Tuesday and then we were packing our stuff to move to a bigger place. By Thursday evening I had a back ache which wouldn't go away. By midnight the pain was radiating to my abdomen. I knew these weren't contractions as it was a strong, continuous pain. I called my doctor at 3am and they wanted us to get to L&D. They had me admitted for a few hours during which I had a few irregular contractions but I was only 1cm dilated. The pain got so horrible that I couldn't stand or walk and I was in tears. However we had to go home since it wasn't true labor. It could have been the baby's position. I came home and took pain killers and rested the entire day. By Saturday morning, I was much better. I had a few contractions on some nights but it would go away after some time.<br />
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I have another ultrasound and Non Stress Test tomorrow. 37 weeks and so ready to meet this sweet baby. The funny thing is we have never been able to get a 3d picture of the little one's face in spite of all the weekly ultrasounds. Baby likes to cover his face with his/her little hands. Hmmm looks like we need to wait patiently for 3 more weeks. No more previews for Dad & Mom!<br />
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I will be praying for all of you as we wait for this little miracle and please keep us in your prayers. </div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-29380228846165913362014-05-22T00:08:00.001-04:002014-05-22T00:08:25.013-04:00Final Stretch<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It's been a long while since I posted something here. Things are going pretty well over here only that I have been ridiculously busy. I am 36 weeks pregnant! I cannot believe that I am just 4 weeks away from my due date. I have tears of joy and gratitude when I think of this precious gift from God. I am sometimes so ready to meet this little one and on other days I feel I have a million things to do. I love being pregnant and I will sure miss this wonderful feeling. I am so thankful to God. I hope and pray that our little one will continue growing and be born safely into this world.<br />
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Life is going to be hectic the next few weeks. We are moving to a bigger place. My in-laws are here and my parents will be here in 2 weeks. We have finished buying most of the things needed for the baby but my to do list never seems to end. I am still trying to find a nursing friendly dress for our baby's baptism which will be in the end of June.<br />
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I am praying for all of you. Please leave me your intenions so that I can pray for you these last few weeks. Deo Gratias!</div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-39312978651596668072014-03-26T12:02:00.001-04:002014-03-26T12:02:41.078-04:00Third Trimester and Pregnancy Related Questions<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have entered the third trimester. Hurray! We had an ultrasound and OB appt yesterday. The fluid levels have gone up to<b>12.1</b> from 9.8 and so that is one thing less to worry about. The little one was head down yesterday and I hope it stays that way. Yay! I kind of had an intuition that the baby had flipped because my upper abdomen was no longer hard since last week.<br />
<br />My iron level was low and the OB recommended taking<b> Iron Supplements</b> daily. We are scheduled for weekly<b> Non Stress Tests</b> from Week 30. Now that I am in my third trimester, I have lot of doubts and not to mention anxiety. I had plenty of questions for my OB.<br />
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I asked my doctor what are the chances of being <b>induced </b>before my due date because of gestational diabetes. She said they usually allow women to go beyond 40 weeks and only induce by Week 41, unless the sugar levels get uncontrollable. So that was kind of reassuring. Some of my friends told me that I would be induced by Week 38 as the baby would get bigger in size beyond that, which made me kind of nervous. My Mom & MIL also thought 38 weeks was full term and 40 was too far away! Come on Ladies, please don't confuse me. The most ridiculous question I heard was from a relative as to whether I was planning to have an <b>elective C-Section</b>. What!!! Why do I need to schedule a c-section? Yes, I know we have waited for <b>6 years for this precious little one</b> but that doesn't mean that I want to put myself under unnecessary procedures.<br />
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I am still undecided about attending <b>Birthing Classes</b>. Our hospital offers paid classes but I am not sure if it's really going to help. DH gets dizzy at the sight of blood and so I don't want to torture him with gory visuals. I also watched "The Business of Being Born" and liked the idea of home birth. I have a <b>high risk pregnancy</b> and so we will need to use a OB/Gyn and Hospital. Midwives and home deliveries are not going to work. However, I don't want unnecessary medical intervention if that is possible. That's something to discuss with my doctors and possibly find out while touring the hospital. I have borrowed a few DVDs from the library and am hoping it helps.<br />
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I still don't know if I can do a <b>natural birth</b> or if I will be going the <b>epidural </b>route. Most of the ladies I have spoken to talk about how easy epidural is and so on, but I am worried about the possible side effects like spinal headaches. I know that I have plenty of time to decide and what finally matters is that the little one arrives safely.<br />
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I haven't packed a <b>hospital bag</b> yet and there are friends who have told that I should be always prepared because labor could happen anytime. Hmmm, I don't think it is all that important and I honestly don't have the energy to do it right away. Must be the low iron !! ;)<br />
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During the second trimester, I didn't do any <b>shopping </b>but now I have started ordering stuff for the baby. I don't want to overdo it. In India, people don't even buy essentials for the baby before birth. They usually do it after the baby is born but things are slowly beginning to change. Ladies, any suggestions as to what the <b>absolute essentials</b> are and the stuff you loved. We are planning to get a <b>Mini Crib</b> since the little one will be in our room. We don't decorate Nurseries or have baby showers. Baby co-sleeps with Mama. I understand it is very different here in the US.<br />
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My parents and in-laws will be staying with us for at least four months. We will <b>baptizing </b>our little one within a week or two of birth which means the grandparents need to be here. Since they are traveling all the way from India, they will be here for a while. I hope I don't lose my sanity by the end of four months. :) Well, it's a nice opportunity to grow in humility & patience. I hope and pray God gives me the grace and strength to handle two families at the same time.</div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-20845835980143497082014-03-21T23:01:00.003-04:002014-03-25T00:23:25.998-04:0028 Weeks and Still Here<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I am back after a long hiatus! I have wanted to update my blog for a while but things became a little busy around here and I lost my interest for blogging. My Mom was with me for four months and she returned the beginning of this month since I had been doing well for sometime now.<br />
<br />
Coming to this amazing gift God has given us.... I will be <b>28 Weeks</b> next Tuesday which means I will be entering the <b>Third trimester</b>. <b>Thank You Lord Jesus for your great mercy.</b> So far things have been going smoothly except for a a few minor worries. We transferred my OB care to a place near home when I completed 20 weeks. I like the new place but I still prefer my NaPro OB to any other doctor.<br />
<br />
During the 22 week appointment, the new OB got worried seeing my history and all the meds I was taking or had taken in the past. She was worried as I tested borderline positive for <b>Anti Phospholipid Antibodies </b>during our visit to Dr.KK in 2012. She felt it could cause problems such as the placenta detaching from the uterus or clots forming in the placenta. All this was enough to stress us out. She referred me to a <b>Maternal Fetal Specialist</b> for a second opinion. The MFM doctor went through my history and suggested repeating bloodwork for APA but he felt things looked normal since baby's growth was on track. He suggested getting monthly ultrasounds. One thing he insisted was stopping the PIO, suppositories and HCG. He felt it could harm the a baby as there weren't enough studies. We just politely listened to his suggestions. Thankfully, none of the OBs pestered us about stopping the shots.<br />
<br />
We went in for another ultrasound at <b>24 weeks</b>. This time our baby was head up (breech) and was curled up into a ball with feet over face. Poor baby! I am sure that wasn't the most comfortable position. Baby was head-down during the 20 week ultrasound and I thought that was how it was going to be till the end. Well, I was wrong! The tech told that my fluid was a little low something around <b>9.1</b> when they usually like to see it above 10. OB suggested increasing my fluid intake and told us it wasn't concerning but asked us to come back in 2 weeks.<br />
<br />
We went in for another ultrasound at <b>26 weeks</b>. The fluid level had increased slightly. Gone up to <b>9.8</b> but still <b>borderline low</b>. And guess what - the naughty little one was still head up and curled into a ball. We go back for another ultrasound on Tuesday. How I wish the fluid levels will be normal. I will be having weekly Non Stress Tests and Biophysical Profiles from Week 30. I am glad for all the extra monitoring they are doing. It sure can be stressful but the ultrasounds are an added relief even though we end up paying $50 copay each time. My Gestational Diabetes is under control with the <b>Metformin </b>and diet but that is another reason why my OB has put me under the high risk pregnancy category. Some days, I just can't follow the diet and I eat whatever I can keep down but that is ok I guess.<br />
<br />
I have been feeling the baby move from 22 weeks. It wasn't all that regular and I would get tensed when the baby wouldn't move on some days. However, from Week 24, the little one decided to kick and move around regularly. I am so glad because it is such a reassurance. The little one is active in the evenings usually around 7pm when we pray our family rosary. Guess the sweet one likes praying! :)<br />
<br />
<b>Just 3 more months till my due date or 12 weeks.</b> I still cannot believe that I am pregnant and there is a baby growing in my womb. We give you thanks Lord for every second of our baby's life. Please continue praying for us that the third trimester continues to go smoothly and that we will get this meet this sweet little one.</div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-27825312326641686942014-02-04T13:58:00.000-05:002014-02-04T13:58:38.893-05:00Crossing the Halfway Milestone<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have completed 21 weeks! It's hard to believe that I have crossed the halfway mark. Words cannot describe my gratitude to God. When I was 7 weeks pregnant and hooked onto IV antibiotics, 20 weeks seemed so far away. I didn't know if I would make it to that milestone but God has been so merciful. Of course, the days seemed to crawl and I didn't feel pregnant at all. My only relief was the weekly appointments which showed a growing baby. When we saw our baby for the first time on ultrasound at 5w2d, my EDD of June 17th seemed years away. I still remember how I carefully hid all the magazines and booklets I got for my first OB appt. I didn't want to bother looking at nursery stuff, baby essentials and so on. I couldn't risk another heartache and so I kept my heart guarded at all times.<br />
<br />
As 2014 began, things became a little better. I had a small bump even though it looked more like a big belly. My doctor assured me that things were looking good and as she gave me the date for the big ultrasound, I realized that I wasn't dreaming. There was a little one in my womb even though I couldn't feel movements yet. A few days before the ultrasound, I began wondering for the first time if we had enough room for baby in our master bedroom. I began visializing how our room would look like with a crib. I made a note of measurements for the first time. I also began having an intuition about the baby's gender but it turned out to be wrong!<br />
<br />
We had the Anomaly Scan when I completed 19 weeks. It felt surreal to see the little one moving around after nearly 6 weeks. We wanted to keep the gender a surprise for our family and my Mom was there in the ultrasound room. The tech asked us to turn away as she looked at the gender. Baby wasn't cooperating much and the tech poked and prodded my tummy to the point where it hurt. After half an hour, she told us to come back for another ultrasound the following week as she needed to get one more measurement. As we left, she handed us the envelope with the gender. I will never forget our excitement as we later found out the baby's gender. We had names for our baby decided the very first month. I was so emotional when my husband began calling our sweet little one by name. I was overwhelmed and so thankful at the same time. My heart was bursting with so much love for our little one. My fears seemed so real now that we had made it so far. All the "What Ifs?" ran through my head but DH reminded me to pray without ceasing and to be joyful. How can I thank my dear Lord and our Blessed Mother for this great gift?<br />
<br />
We had another ultrasound at 20 weeks and this time I drank some juice. Baby was active and the tech was happy. We met our wonderful NaPro doctor after the ultrasound. I am transferring my OB Care to another group near home. We will definitely miss our NaPro OB who is so caring & compassionate. I have the first appt with my new OB next monday and I will be 22 weeks. Hoping that everything will go smoothly at the appt. JBTC gave me her home doppler and we have been able to hear our baby's heartbeat a few times. A bit difficult to find the heartbeat at times but it has definitely helped a lot with my anxiety. By the way, I have an anterior placenta which means it will be a while before I feel the kicks. I have gained nearly 20 lbs in 20 weeks. I don't feel pregnant at all which is a bit strange. I don't feel fatigued or anything of that sort. My only symptom is that I am growing in size. :) I am thankful that I feel well specially after only that happened during the first trimester. God is so gracious! I am praying for a continued safe and healthy pregnancy if it's His will. Just four more months to go.. Wow!!!</div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-46529962884233180382014-01-17T16:58:00.001-05:002014-01-17T17:00:29.366-05:00Oh Blood Sugar!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Did I tell you how I failed the one hour glucose test at my 16 weeks appt.? My NaPro doctor is intelligent! She figured with my Insulin Resistance and after being on Prednisone for 3 months, my<br />
Blood sugar levels would be high. Well it was true! I tested myself at home four times every day and the levels were high if I ate too many carbs. I have Gestational Diabetes and so I have begun appts at the Diabetic Clinic.<br />
<br />
The good thing is that I have been eating much better than how I used to. Less carbs and plenty of protein. The first three months I loaded myself with Rice, Pasta and the occasional sweet treats. It wasn't doing any good to my body and my weight increased rapidly. Now that I am following their diet, my sugar levels are in control which means I cannot indulge in food. No more sugar in my milk! No more fruit juices! I am surprised that I have been able to give up these habits. I couldn't give up sugar on the anti-inflammatory diet but now I can give it up for my baby. I just hope that I don't have to do insulin shots along the road as glucose levels tend to shoot around week 24.<br />
<br />
The last few weeks, I was having so much anxiety that the baby wasn't moving. We heard our sweet one's heartbeat last week and it was such a relief. My dr. assured me it was normal not to feel movement until 20-22 weeks. A sweet blogger is sending me her home doppler which should be a huge relief.<br />
<br />
Now the most exciting part. We are having our big ultrasound on Monday! Just 2 more days until we get to see our little one. I will be 19 weeks on Monday. Wow! I cannot believe it. The Lord has brought us so far when we don't deserve anything. Praying that everything turns out well on Monday! I am so excited but can't help being a little nervous. We had our last ultrasound at 13 weeks. So it's going to be 2 months since we saw our baby. We love you so much and can't wait to see you.<br />
<br />
I have been praying for all of you specially for all of you who are waiting. May our Lord comfort you and fill you with his peace.</div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-85209969585306879812014-01-04T19:13:00.001-05:002014-01-04T19:13:49.467-05:00Fears & Worries<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I know I haven't blogged much about my fears and worries during this pregnancy. I am so thankful to God for this beautiful gift. I am so unworthy and will never understand God's ways. This pregnancy hasn't been all that easy but we are so grateful to God for giving us the graces we need.<br />
<br />
The first few weeks were spent in lots of tears when I had bleeding and was told that I was at high risk for miscarriage because of a SCH. God helped us miraculously and at each ultrasound, we saw a growing baby with a strong heartbeat. By 10 weeks, I no longer had any bleeding.<br />
<br />
Then at 13 weeks, I fell sick with the Flu. I was worried that the flu would hurt my baby's health. Thankfully, we survived the 3 long weeks of illness. There were days I wish I wasn't sick but then I knew it was again God who was in control and not me.<br />
<br />
And on Christmas eve, I had abdominal cramps and lower backache. It was enough to fill us all with fear. I almost made up my mind to go to the ER. Thankfully, the cramps went away by Christmas day. <br />
<br />
The last few days I started worrying that my baby wasn't moving. I have felt a few twitches a few times from around 13 weeks. I really don't know if these twitches are actually the baby moving or something else like the uterus expanding. I was in tears today morning because of anxiety even though I knew it was too early to feel the baby's movement at 16 weeks. I tried praying and offering up my anxiety. I felt a little better after that. I need to wait till next Friday's appointment. I am a bundle of nerves and definitely need prayers.<br />
<br />
Each day is a miracle but I am living in perpetual fear. I trust Jesus but how I wish we would get to meet our little one and bring him/her to the baptismal font. Oh Jesus, have mercy on us. I pray that we would get to baptize our baby and raise our child here for God 's kingdom. God 's will be done because in his infinite wisdom he knows what's best.</div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-80494080136836741102013-12-31T13:56:00.003-05:002013-12-31T13:58:16.615-05:00The past few weeks<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
On the last day of 2013, I thought I should update my blog as to how things have been over here. The past few weeks had been really terrible over here with lot of sickness and I didn't have the energy or mood to blog.<br />
<br />
My husband came down with the flu and I caught it from him. I didn't know I was having the flu and thought it was a cold. For two days, I had chest congestion and a fever which wouldn't budge from 101 F. Thankfully, I decided to call my NaPro OB and she advised me to get to the Urgent Care to test for the Flu. Well, I was surprised when the nasal swab came back positive for <b>Influenza</b>. I had to go the ER and after waiting for two hours, I got hooked up on IV Fluids to break the fever. I was so worried about the little one and was in tears. Thankfully, the nurse did an ultrasound while in the ER and we were able to see our baby for a few seconds. They also put me on Tamiflu for five days. For the next two weeks, I had severe chest congestion and sinus headaches. Not fun at all! I had to go the Urgent Care again for wheezing and they gave me Nebulizer and Albuterol spray. Though I didn't want to take any medications while pregnant, I didn't have much of an option and the doctors kept assuring me that the meds were fine.<br />
<br />
I couldn't make it for my 13 weeks OB appt because of the Flu. Instead, I had an appt in the 14th week which meant I had crossed over to the <b>second trimester</b>. We heard the baby's heart beat on doppler. This was the first appt were we did have an ultrasound. I have been kind of missing all the weekly ultrasounds we had during the first trimester.<br />
<br />
Then on Christmas eve, I began getting lower abdominal cramps and felt some kind of pelvic pressure. I was so worried that something was wrong with the baby. By Christmas morning, the pain had sort of subsided and I managed to go for Mass. Not exactly the kind of Christmas I had envisioned but nevertheless, I was thankful that the cramps were not that bad and that I could make it to Mass.<br />
<br />
Yesterday, we had another OB appt and I am<b> 16 weeks</b> pregnant. Thank you Jesus and Mama Mary for this huge blessing!!! We heard the baby's heart beat of 154 bpm and the dr. checked my cervix since I mentioned the abdominal cramps. Everything looked fine and the cervix was closed. However, I failed the one hour Glucose Test and my hemoglobin was low!!! While most pregnant ladies are monitored for <b>Gestational Diabetes</b> from week 28, my doctor wanted me to get tested because of my Insulin Resistance. I need to monitor my glucose levels four times a day and so I have begun pricking my fingers. Not fun at all! Not that I care about pricking my fingers. All that I want is my baby to be healthy and I would do this any day for my sweet little one. I have another appointment in ten days.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>I am so thankful for the love and mercy God has shown this year. I really have no words and am in awe of His immense blessing.</b> I pray for all of you who bear the cross of IF. May the Lord fill your hearts with Peace this New Year!</div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-10117570277772334282013-12-07T09:35:00.001-05:002013-12-07T09:37:41.813-05:00Progesterone Levels and other Updates<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have been wanting to update my blog for a while but I don't seem to have the right words. Every time I begin to update my blog about this pregnancy, <b>my heart breaks for all those who are still waiting. I pray for all of you every single day.</b> Last month marked 4 years of our TTC journey and I still don't know how I survived those 4 years. It was God's grace which carried us all the time. After 4 years, I cannot believe that I am carrying a baby in my womb. Four years of trying and surrendering to God's will.<br />
<br />
I am <b>12 weeks</b> pregnant this week! <b>Praise be to God!</b> Each day is a miracle. I had another OB appointment last week. It was a different doctor instead of my NaPro doctor but she was really sweet. We heard the baby's heartbeat on doppler. It was <b>174bpm </b>and then without having to ask, the doctor did an ultrasound and we saw the little one wiggling around moving his/her arms and legs. What a precious sight! I can never tire seeing the video of this little one moving around.<br />
<br />
The SCH looked very small on ultrasound and the doctor told it wasn't concerning. I haven't had any bleeding or spotting for the last 3 weeks which is such a huge relief. We are in awe of God's mercy. The last four years, I had never ever dreamed that we would be able to see a baby moving around in my womb.<br />
<br />
I have another appointment next Tuesday and I will be <b>13 weeks </b>which means I will be out of my <b>first trimester</b>. As usual, I have so much anxiety as I prepare for another appointment. I just hope and pray that everything will be fine at the next appointment. Time is going so slowly. I wish the weeks would fly away.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile my <b>Progesterone </b>levels have fallen to Low <b>Zone 2</b>. These are the levels from the last weeks:<br />
Week 6 - 55<br />
Week 9 - 20<br />
Week 11 - 19<br />
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I have been on the maximum dose of PIO, suppositories and shots right from the beginning. I am learning that I am not in control of anything. All I can do is pray and trust in God. I just wish my broken body would do a better job at producing progesterone. Nevertheless, I am so thankful that I am being monitored by the doctors who believe how critical progesterone is during the entire pregnancy.<br />
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Coming to the good and bad about Immune treatments. <b>Prednisone </b>has made me gain weight at a rapid pace. I have gained 10 lbs in 12 weeks and my face looks all puffy. I feel bloated most of the time and so had to buy maternity pants. I have to do a <b>Glucose Tolerance Test</b> at my next OB appt as steroids can raise blood sugar levels. My hair is falling and my skin looks terrible with acne and I know it is the Prednisone which is doing it. I am hoping that I can wean off Prednisone after the first trimester and get my weight gain on track but I will have to leave that decision to Dr. KK.<br />
<br />
The good thing about Prednisone is that I don't have any pregnancy symptoms like fatigue or nausea. I read that steroids can make you feel energetic and suppress pregnancy symptoms. No wonder I don't feel like taking naps. However, I have read that the energy levels are going to crash once you stop the steroid. I still remember how fatigued I was when I stopped Prednisone after my last miscarriage. I had to take 3 hour naps in the afternoon and still didn't have energy to do any chores. I couldn't figure out what was wrong and it went on for 2 months.<br />
<br />
Please keep is in your prayers. I don't know if I will ever be able to relax and take it easy with this pregnancy. After all the miscarriages, it is so difficult to not worry. However, after each appointment, I feel so much better. And I know that I am not in control but God knows what is best for us.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-74791950088535120612013-11-17T13:53:00.001-05:002013-12-07T09:05:38.154-05:00Thoughts on this Pregnancy<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Now that I am nearing <b>10 weeks</b>, the furthest I have been pregnant, I have so many thoughts floating around in my head. I will never understand how God is and has been working in my life. All the tears, the pain, the suffering over the last 5 years and now this unfathomable gift of new life makes me tremble with joy and fear. 10 weeks is such a huge milestone for me. While most people have their first OB appt between weeks 8 & 12, I have had 6 appts between weeks 5 and 10. I can never comprehend God's ways. He is a loving God and was bringing me closer to Him the last 5 years. I don't know what my life will look like tomorrow but I know He will give me the graces to handle suffering just like the last 5 years. Though I prayed for physical healing from IF and recurrent miscarriages, I know it was spiritual healing I needed the most.<br />
<br />
It has been a long & difficult journey but He was guiding me all the time. Leading me to your blogs, teaching me about NaPro, bringing me to the best doctors and teaching me to wait patiently. The first few years were really tough as things were moving so slowly. However, in the last 1.5 years, things progressed at a quicker pace. My trip to Illinois to meet Dr. KK and then my trip to Omaha was all bringing me closer to physical healing. There were days when I felt all these trips were unnecessary and there was nothing left treatment wise to pursue. We began praying that we would be able to adopt some day if it was God's will. <br />
<br />
When I became pregnant in June and had adverse side effects to Immune treatments, we were ready to let go of everything. We were ready to stop all treatments. However, I decided to try the Immune Protocol one last time before closing the book on treatments. I will never know if that is what helped me this time but I definitely know it is God who has made this possible. <b>Every pregnancy is a miracle but that I have made it to 10 weeks is such a huge miracle. Thank you Lord!</b><br />
<br />
Some more details on the Conception Cycle:<br />
<br />
Daily Meds: Armour 45mg, Metformin 1500mg, Vit D 5000, Baby Aspirin, Fish Oil, Folic Acid 5mg, Prenatal, Calcium Citrate<br />
<br />
Cd 3-7 Clomid 50mg<br />
Cd 7 onwards - Lovenox 40mg shots daily<br />
P+4 onwards - Prednisone 10mg<br />
P+5 onwards - Progesterone 300 mg vaginal capsules<br />
P+10 - Got a faint positive on HPT.<br />
P+11 - Began 200 mg PIO shots twice weekly. Increased Prednisone to 20mg. See some brown spotting for few days.<br />
P+15 - Went for first Beta Hcg after line became slightly dark on HPT. First Beta 492.<br />
P+18 - Second Beta 2042. Red spotting.<br />
P+ 20 - Third Beta 4450. Spotting continues. Worried about ectopic.<br />
P+ 21 - First ultrasound. Saw gestational sac and yolk salk. Measuring 5w1d. Cervix looked swollen which was probably causing the spotting. Begin bed rest. Also begin 5000 units of HCG twice a week.<br />
P+24 - Bright red bleeding episode. Stop Lovenox and Baby Aspirin after consulting with Dr. KK's office.<br />
P+ 25 - Progesterone in Zone 4.<br />
P+26 - More bleeding with clots. Another ultrasound shows a sub chorionic hemmorhage. Baby is measuring 5w6d and heart rate is 103bpm. Dr. puts me on complete bed rest. Begin 200mg progesterone rectal suppositories twice a day. HCG is 15000.<br />
6w1d - Ultrasound shows SCH is pressing on sac but baby's heart beat has increased to 122 bpm. Begin Azithromycin for 14 days as per PPVI.<br />
6w6d - Red bleeding has changed to spotting. Baby's heart rate has gone up to 138 bpm. Doctor is happy that the SCH has reduced.<br />
7w - Begin IV Clindamycin for 10 days as per PPVI. My parents are here to help me out.<br />
9w1d - We were able to see our baby waving his/her arm during ultrasound. Heart beat was 190 bpm. Progesterone was in Mid Zone 2.<br />
9w2d - First OB appt. Complete physical examination. Baby's heart beat is 188 bpm.<br />
<br />
I have been going to my local NaPro doctor for all my appts. It's a one hour drive but she is willing to work with PPVI and Dr. KK. I have another OB appointment on Nov 26th. If everything goes well, we will switch to a new OB after 20 weeks but we are in no hurry. I feel well most of the time. I have no nausea and feel energetic most of the time. Some days I feel worried like my Progesterone fell from Zone 4 to Zone 2 inspite of the shots, suppositories and HCG. However, I am thankful to God that I have been working with the best doctors. I have lot of bloodwork to be done to monitor by immune issues. Need to ship my samples to Dr. KK's lab.</div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-59941779021765656072013-11-11T22:48:00.001-05:002013-12-07T09:01:03.155-05:00God is so good!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have no words to describe my gratitude to Almighty God for all his blessings. We had a perfect ultrasound today. Baby is measuring <b>9w1d</b>. Heart beat was <b>190 bpm</b>. The little one waved his/her arms. I got all teary eyed. The clot has reduced significantly and my doctor was so happy. I have been scheduled for my first OB appt. Feels a little strange since I have had so many ultrasounds the past 4 weeks. I don't even know what an OB appt is going to be like. Is this really happening? I am pregnant and there is life growing in my womb. It definitely feels like a dream.<br />
<br />
<b>Thank you Lord! Thank you my dear Heavenly Mother. We are so so unworthy for this gift. We pray and hope that we get to meet and raise this little one here on earth. I am praying for all my dear blogger friends specially all those who are waiting to meet their spouse or hold a baby in their arms.</b></div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-74000423280216918722013-11-06T17:00:00.001-05:002013-12-07T08:58:35.324-05:00Fearing the unknown<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Each day is a struggle with some kind of worry or the other. Some days like yesterday when I had more bleeding than spotting, I was overwhelmed with fear. I was telling my husband how I wish I could go for an ultrasound to ease my heart but he reminded me that I needed to trust God. He reminded me that I had to leave it to God rather than living in constant fear. I couldn't go in for an ultrasound ever single day!<br />
<br />
Then there are other days when I feel completely normal. Zero symptoms. I will not lie. I have had no nausea, fatigue, sore boobs nothing! I know everyone is different but I just wish I could feel that I am pregnant. Maybe it's because I am on PIO shots and daily suppositories. It maybe the high doses of progesterone which is making me feel normal. Of course being on bedrest could be another reason why I don't feel tired. I have gained a few pounds in the last two weeks. I need to take that as a good sign but then I think it is the steroid which is doing that to my body. I am also eating more than usual, not that I am hungry but my Mom ensures that I eat well. So I eat something every few hours and I think I am going to end up with a huge appetite.<br />
<br />
I often touch my belly but I know it 's too early for a bump. All I feel is the fluff over there. How I wish I could feel something more.<br />
The IV comes out on friday. Two more days but I am looking forward to Monday's ultrasound. I just need to hold it together till Monday. I will be around 9 weeks by Monday. I am so anxious. I cannot believe that I am 8 weeks pregnant. Is this a dream?<br />
<br />
Ladies, I am so grateful for all your prayers and kind words. I could literally feel all your prayers. Praying and hoping that everything will be fine during the next ultrasound. <b>Oh my Jesus, I love thee. Please help me to trust thee completely. And our little one, we love you so much. We are so thankful to God for giving us the miracle of you my sweet one.</b></div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-57497919834547256362013-11-02T12:23:00.001-04:002013-12-07T08:57:23.872-05:00IV and other updates<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Wow! I survived another week on bed rest. Red bleeding changed to spotting and the last one week, I have been passing brown or black clots occasionally. Scary but I am trusting my doctor that it is old blood from the SCH! Who would have thought you would need to wear a pad every day of your pregnancy! I had an ultrasound last Monday. Baby<b> measured 6w6d</b> and heart rate was <b>138bpm.</b> <b>Thank you Jesus for this sweet miracle. </b>I walk in to each ultrasound with so much anxiety but come out feeling relieved.<br />
<div>
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On tuesday, I got a peripheral IV line for <b>Clindamycin</b>. My parents have come all the way from India to help me out. I feel so pampered and spoiled. The IV site needs to be changed every 3 days but other than that things are going smoothly. The pump is easy to handle and it's in a bag. I can take the bag with me when I need to use the restroom. We go in for another ultrasound in 10 days after the IV infusion is over. I am learning to trust Jesus that everything will be fine.</div>
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On Thursday, our Pastor came over to hear my confession. He anointed me and I was able to receive the Eucharist. What a blessing to be able to receive 3 sacraments on the same day. And then he gave us the special blessing for the baby in the womb according to the new rite. Beautiful prayer! I really love our Catholic faith. I feel so much better spiritually. Father told he would get me a relic of <b>Blessed Jacinta and Blessed Francisco. </b>I have a special devotion to them. I am hoping and praying that the next few days pass uneventfully. I sometimes feel a little worried as I have no pregnancy symptoms but I know 7.5 weeks is kind of early. Please keep praying for us. Thank you Jesus! Thank you Mama Mary and all the saints in heaven for interceding for us.</div>
</div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-89405133749971453562013-10-26T11:37:00.000-04:002013-12-07T08:55:37.591-05:00Time is crawling<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Time is definitely crawling over here. It's only been a little over ten days since I blogged about our newest miracle from God. However, lot of things happened during the last ten days and I feel it's been several weeks since we heard the good news.<br />
<br />
After our first ultrasound on 5w1d, I was beginning to believe that everything would be ok for once. I wasn't worried about the bleeding since my cervix was swollen which could have triggered it. We went ahead and told our immediate family. They rejoiced with us and have been storming heavens for this little one.<br />
<br />
However, last Sunday morning, I had a major bleeding episode. Lots of red just like a period. I was terrified and decided to take bedrest and prayed for the bleeding to subside. I also stopped the Lovenox. The next day I called my doctor's office and they told me to come in on Tuesday for an ultrasound. The bleeding had subsided by Monday but I still felt something was wrong. As I walked into the ultrasound room on Tuesday, I felt a huge gush of blood. As I undressed and waited, I began to bleed heavily with clots. The dr. immediately knew something was wrong. By the grace of God, we were able to see our little one measuring 5w6d and the dr. was able to detect a fetal heart beat of <b>103 bpm</b>. She saw a sub chorionic hemorrhage and told us that I was at high risk for miscarriage. Our hearts broke into thousand pieces and I felt so weak after all the gory bleeding. She ordered complete bed rest and told us to return in two days and told me to immediately start 200mg progesterone rectal suppositories twice a day in addition to all the PIO and HCG shots I was doing.<br />
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I came home and bled continuously just like a heavy period. I got in touch with PPVI and they wanted me do IV and oral antibiotics. Amidst all this, we were so grateful to God that we were able to hear our baby's heart beat. Dr. KK asked me to stop lovenox and baby aspirin. We returned for an ultrasound and the heart beat had gone up to <b>122 bpm</b> and I was 6w1d. Our dr was so happy. The SCH hasn't increased in size but it is pushing on the sac which is scary. We go in for another ultrasound next week. Meanwhile, PPVI and my local dr have asked home health to start me on IV antibiotics. On monday, I will be getting a PICC line in place. I am trying not to think about it.<br />
<br />
God has blessed us so much and our hearts rejoice. We are praying and hoping that our baby continues growing and the SCH shrinks. Please keep us in your prayers. <b>Thank you Jesus! We have entrusted our child to St. Joseph and our Blessed Mother. God's will be done.</b></div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-67634076790816454842013-10-18T13:50:00.001-04:002013-12-07T08:53:21.032-05:00Trusting in Jesus<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Thank you all for your prayers and sweet comments. Your prayers helped me so much yesterday. I am learning to take one day at a time and leave everything in God's hands. <b>Jesus, I trust in thee!</b><br />
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I have never experienced anything like what I did in the last few days. So much anxiety and stress!!! I had some red bleeding last Sunday and I felt so terrible. I cried during the entire Mass and begged God for a miracle. I went in for my second Beta HCG draw on Monday and was amazed to hear from Dr. KK's office that the levels looked good. The bleeding subsided for a while but on Wednesday, I saw fresh blood again. It was there every time I wiped and so I knew something was not right. Thankfully, I was able to get an appt for Thursday afternoon with my local Napro doctor.<br />
<br />
Yesterday as we waited for the ultrasound with fear and anxiety, I never dreamed that we would get to see anything as it was very early. By God's grace, we were able to see a <b>gestational sac and yolk sac</b> snuggled in the uterus. It was such a huge relief to know that it was not an ectopic. My cervix looked swollen and I am on Lovenox shots (blood thinner). That was probably the reason for the bleeding. I feel so much better after the ultrasound but I am still seeing blood tinged mucus. Praying and hoping that it goes away. The nurse gave me a shot of 5000 units of HCG yesterday. I have been contuning 200mg PIO shots twice a week. We will going in for another ultrasound next week. Meanwhile, I am afraid to hope. We feel so unworthy for this gift. It is the first time we have got to see a gestational sac on ultrasound. I am so thankful but I am keeping my heart guarded. <b>God's will be done.</b><br />
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We have begun a<b> 30 day Novena to St. Joseph</b> as recommended by our Priest. We were able to see him yesterday after the ultrasound and he gave me a special blessing and prayed for the baby in my womb.<br />
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<b>Our Lady of La Leche, St. Gianna, St. Gerard, St. Catherine of Siena, St. Joseph, St. Jude, St. Anne, St. Joachim, St. Anthony, St. Padre Pio, St. Alphonsa, Blessed Mother Teresa, St. John Paul II, Blessed Jacinta, Blessed Francisco, St. Michael, St. Gabriel, St. Raphael, all holy angels and saints - Pray for us!</b></div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-33858846737918494792013-10-15T15:21:00.003-04:002013-10-15T15:25:37.221-04:00Our newest miracle - God is so good!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I cannot believe that I am typing this...<b>God is so good!!! I am pregnant again</b>. I am being monitored by Dr. Kwak-Kim and went in for Beta HCGs and for the first time in a long, long time the numbers seem to be rising.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">10/11 (Friday) - <span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline ! important; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">493.1 (P+15)</span></span></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline ! important; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">10/14 (Mon) - </span></b><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline ! important; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline ! important; float: none; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><b>2062 (P+18)</b></span></span></span></span></b><br />
<br />
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">Thank you Jesus for this sweet amazing miracle. I don't have words. I just pray and hope that the levels rise. I am going in for an ultrasound to my local Napro doctor's office on Thursday to rule out an ectopic pregnancy. Please storm heavens for this baby. I am ready to accept whatever God sends me but how I wish everything would be fine just for one time.</span></span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">I had lots of brown spotting last week. Have been taking PIO shots every 3 days. PPVI has also called in for 5000 units of HCG. I am taking Lovenox shots daily on my belly and putting up with Steroids. I am beginning to think that Dr. KK's immune protocol has begun to work. At least my HCG is rising for the first time. I don't know about the future but I have hope for the first time.</span></span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><br /></span></span>
<b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">Praise Jesus! Thank you Mama Mary!</span></span></b><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">Thank you St. Gianna, St. Gerard, St. Joseph</span></b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">, St, Anne, St. Joachim,</span><b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"> St. Catherine of Siena, Blessed Mother Teresa, Blessed John Paul II and all saints for this miracle. </span></b> </span></div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-12870848327847972912013-10-10T11:08:00.002-04:002013-10-10T11:14:16.726-04:00It's not just about Me & Prayers....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
There are days when I am reminded that my suffering is not about me. There are days when I think of my heart-wrenching suffering and still find comfort because by the grace of God I have faith and know my suffering can lead me to Heaven.<br />
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I don't know if it's too personal but I thought I would share this with you all because I appreciate your prayers. <b>IF runs in my family</b>. It must be in the genes !!! Three of my Mom's sisters have struggled with IF and pregnancy losses. Two of my aunts lost both their fallopian tubes to <b>ectopic pregnancies</b>. Another aunt had<b> recurrent miscarriages </b>and a<b> still birth</b>. All this was many years ago, maybe 15-20. I know all of them did IVF at some point or the other. I was a child and didn't know much about IVF except that it was the gold standard for treatment in India. One aunt went on to conceive a child with the help of IVF. Another aunt adopted a child after many failed IVF attempts. Coming to the third aunt.....<br />
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I was speaking to my Mom yesterday. My third aunt (her youngest sister) has been suffering a <b>difficult marriage</b> for the last few years. They have been married for around 18 years. She had six failed rounds of IVF and adoption didn't work for them. All this has been taking a toll on their marriage. Her husband stopped going to Church and has lost faith in God. Last year, her husband started asking her to find a surrogate and to use donor eggs. He has become physically and verbally abusive, and he even wants a legal divorce since my aunt doesn't want to do the surrogate thing. My Mom was in tears when she told me about this <b>immense cross</b> my aunt and her husband are facing. I didn't have words to comfort my mom. I offered to pray for them wholeheartedly. Can you ladies say a few prayers for my aunt and her husband?<br />
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And coming to the others news... I was doing the immune protocol this cycle. I took a HPT on P+10 and had a positive but the joy was short-lived. I saw brown mucus for two days and knew it wasn't a good sign. Surely this cannot be happening for the <b>eight time</b>? I went on and took PIO shots. I started spotting after the shots - sometimes brown, sometimes red. I have been cramping and feel like AF will arrive soon. I haven't done any Betas and decided to wait it out to see if the lines get darker. I am still doing the Lovenox shots and Prednisone. Today is P+14 and my heart feels heavy. But on days like these, I am reminded that my suffering needs to be offered up for others. I have lots of pray for - my aunt, bloggers who recently lost their precious babies to miscarriage and stillbirth, and ladies who are still waiting for a miracle.<br />
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The news about my aunt has been a silent stab in my chest. My own suffering suddenly seemed nothing compared to my aunt's. How many ladies suffer because their husbands want them to do IVF and other stuff? How many couples have failed marriages because of IF? How many couples divorce and live in adultery because of IF?<br />
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And here <b>God has blessed</b> me beyond my understanding with the most compassionate husband. I would never have survived IF if not for my husband's love and faith. I thank God immensely for my husband and his solid faith. My husband may never get to hold a child in his arms but I know he will never compromise his morals for a baby. He will never go against his faith. I see him leading me to Heaven by sharing our cross in the most graceful way. How often have I failed to be a good wife? How often have I taken my husband for granted?<br />
<br />
There are days when I feel so blessed. I have been able to meet the best doctors in this country. I have had the option to try out many new treatments. I sometimes fear another ectopic and losing my remaining tube like both my aunts. Then I am reminded that maybe progesterone supplementation will prevent it. What if my aunts had their <b>ectopic pregnancies</b> because of <b>low progesterone</b>? What if they had access to NaPro treatments to help them? Their lives may have been different !!! I don't know and I can never comprehend how God works. His ways are so mysterious. I just pray that God brings immense good from all this evil. I pray that God uses my suffering to convert others. I pray that our marriage will always be strong no matter how difficult our cross may be. Can you say a prayer for all couples struggling with IF?<br />
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And this had been my favorite prayer for the last few days:<br />
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<b>"O my Jesus, it is for love of Thee, for the conversion of sinners and in reparation for sins committed against the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I offer this sacrifice to Thee."</b><br />
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Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6397712838073616942.post-13319220323178237282013-10-09T09:51:00.001-04:002013-10-09T09:52:40.714-04:00What a Day looks like for me...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It was only yesterday I realized how my <b>day revolves around medications</b>. <br />
<br />
6 am or whenever I wake up - Armour Thyroid<br />
9:30 am - Prednisone 10 mg<br />
1 pm - Vitamin D 5000 IU, Folic Acid 5mg with Vitamin B6 100mg, Baby Aspirin<br />
4 pm - Prenatal Vitamins<br />
7 pm - PIO Shots 100mg on each side (On some Days Post Peak) <br />
8pm - Metformin 1500mg <br />
9:30 pm - Prednisone 10mg<br />
Before Bedtime - Lovenox Shots, Fish Oil, Calcium Citrate, Progesterone Vaginal Capsules<br />
<br />
CD 3 to 7 - Clomid 50mg (Beginning of Cycle)<br />
Mucinex 1200mg CD 10-15 <br />
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I just ran a count on the number of meds I take on some days like yesterday - <b>13 pills, 3 shots, 1 suppository</b> !!! I don't know how my body manages to work on all these different kinds of meds. I hope I am not overloading myself with boat load of meds and confusing my body.<br />
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Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11756895165590758081noreply@blogger.com4