Wow! I have been away from my blog for so long. The reason being that I don't have much happening treatment wise unlike the previous years.
This cycle we are doing the full Immune Protocol. I began Lovenox Shots on CD 6. My belly is bruised but I am glad that I have kind of overcome my fear of needles. I also took Clomid 50mg from CD 3-7. Today is CD 14 and I have seen some really good CM. I will be starting Prednisone 2 days after ovulation - most likely 2 days after my temp rises or after P+3.
Am I hopeful? No! I am not but I still want to do this protocol for three months before I quit. I had a phone call from a cousin who is expecting her fourth baby. Her third baby turned one last week. I am happy for them but what hurts me the most is how she thinks of it as an unplanned pregnancy. She went on to tell how she plans to get herself fixed after this baby is born. I gently reminded her that it is a sin to get sterilized. I really don't get it how people take their fertility for granted.
I thank God everyday for this cross of IF because that is what made us open to life in the first place. I shudder to think what would have happened if I had normal fertility. Most likely, I would have got myself mutilated after having 2 or 3 kids.
God used IF to change my heart in ways I cannot even comprehend. I desire to have a large family, to stand out as a witness, to tell my family and friends that we value life, to show the world that God plans our family and we don't. However, God knows better. He knows that is not the path of sanctification for me. He desires humility from me. He desires us to be open to life whether we get to raise a child or not. And so the world may never know that we are open to life. We may never be able to witness with a large family. We may never be able to set an example for siblings to follow. All we can do is suffer for Jesus in reparation for our sins and those of others.
If I make it to heaven, all this won't matter. I hope and pray for God's grace to follow his will.
This cycle we are doing the full Immune Protocol. I began Lovenox Shots on CD 6. My belly is bruised but I am glad that I have kind of overcome my fear of needles. I also took Clomid 50mg from CD 3-7. Today is CD 14 and I have seen some really good CM. I will be starting Prednisone 2 days after ovulation - most likely 2 days after my temp rises or after P+3.
Am I hopeful? No! I am not but I still want to do this protocol for three months before I quit. I had a phone call from a cousin who is expecting her fourth baby. Her third baby turned one last week. I am happy for them but what hurts me the most is how she thinks of it as an unplanned pregnancy. She went on to tell how she plans to get herself fixed after this baby is born. I gently reminded her that it is a sin to get sterilized. I really don't get it how people take their fertility for granted.
I thank God everyday for this cross of IF because that is what made us open to life in the first place. I shudder to think what would have happened if I had normal fertility. Most likely, I would have got myself mutilated after having 2 or 3 kids.
God used IF to change my heart in ways I cannot even comprehend. I desire to have a large family, to stand out as a witness, to tell my family and friends that we value life, to show the world that God plans our family and we don't. However, God knows better. He knows that is not the path of sanctification for me. He desires humility from me. He desires us to be open to life whether we get to raise a child or not. And so the world may never know that we are open to life. We may never be able to witness with a large family. We may never be able to set an example for siblings to follow. All we can do is suffer for Jesus in reparation for our sins and those of others.
If I make it to heaven, all this won't matter. I hope and pray for God's grace to follow his will.
Wishing you the best.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean when people say they want to get fixed. It makes me uncomfortable every time it is said.
Good luck with your protocol!
ReplyDeleteSounds like a good protocol- intense, but good. Your witness to Jesus and following His plan for your life will reap fruit at some point- in this life or the next. It is beautiful. God Bless!
ReplyDeleteYou have a beautiful heart. Praying for you as you go through these treatment cycles.
ReplyDeleteWell, I have struggled with IF for 4 years and my only 2 pregnancy's ended in miscarriage. I struggle every month and wonder why we have to go through this when we were the same as you, OPEN to life, wanting a large family. But you know, this post puts things into perspective for me. I really think this suffering if for the aborted and unwanted babies and all of the contraception going on. I love you for this!
ReplyDeleteWell, I have struggled with IF for 4 years and my only 2 pregnancy's ended in miscarriage. I struggle every month and wonder why we have to go through this when we were the same as you, OPEN to life, wanting a large family. But you know, this post puts things into perspective for me. I really think this suffering if for the aborted and unwanted babies and all of the contraception going on. I love you for this!
ReplyDeleteSo well said. So beautiful. There really are no words. It is so amazing to see all God is doing in your life- so much beauty from so much pain. Your faith gives me hope! Prayers <3
ReplyDelete