Fearing the unknown

Each day is a struggle with some kind of worry or the other. Some days like yesterday when I had more bleeding than spotting, I was overwhelmed with fear. I was telling my husband how I wish I could go for an ultrasound to ease my heart but he reminded me that I needed to trust God. He reminded me that I had to leave it to God rather than living in constant fear. I couldn't go in for an ultrasound ever single day!

Then there are other days when I feel completely normal. Zero symptoms. I will not lie. I have had no nausea, fatigue, sore boobs nothing! I know everyone is different but I just wish I could feel that I am pregnant. Maybe it's because I am on PIO shots and daily suppositories. It maybe the high doses of progesterone which is making me feel normal. Of course being on bedrest could be another reason why I don't feel tired. I have gained a few pounds in the last two weeks. I need to take that as a good sign but then I think it is the steroid which is doing that to my body. I am also eating more than usual, not that I am hungry but my Mom ensures that I eat well. So I eat something every few hours and I think I am going to end up with a huge appetite.

I often touch my belly but I know it 's too early for a bump. All I feel is the fluff over there. How I wish I could feel something more.
The IV comes out on friday. Two more days but I am looking forward to Monday's ultrasound. I just need to hold it together till Monday. I will be around 9 weeks by Monday. I am so anxious. I cannot believe that I am 8 weeks pregnant. Is this a dream?

Ladies, I am so grateful for all your prayers and kind words. I could literally feel all your prayers. Praying and hoping that everything will be fine during the next ultrasound. Oh my Jesus, I love thee. Please help me to trust thee completely. And our little one, we love you so much. We are so thankful to God for giving us the miracle of you my sweet one.