My first baby which I lost to ectopic in August 2008 would have completed 2 years this April. Happy 2nd Birthday to our little one in heaven! We love you so much. Sometimes, I wonder how my life would have been with a 2 year old running around the house.
After 5 cycles of TTC, I had conceived last April only to find out that it is was a Chemical Pregnancy. I hate the term so much. And a friend who fell pregnant around the same time has a beautiful 4 month old baby. Every time I hold the baby, I feel joy & pain at the same time.
Last Easter, I prayed for a child whole-heartedly. We were just beginning our infertility journey. I truly believed that God would give us a child by this Easter. As another Easter approaches, my heart breaks to know that we are still childless.
On top of all this, my miscarriage cycle which began on March 22nd feels so long since I seem to have ovulated really late. I just wish I didn't have to wait so long for a new cycle to begin.
I have begun CrMS Charting this month. I know I should be thankful to God for leading me to Creighton but I feel sad for having wasted a year and half, hoping that I would be pregnant without any help. I dread the long wait which comes with CrMS and NaPro. I know I need to chart for 2 cycles before I get to see a NaPro Physician. And I don't know how many more months I need to wait before I can start a treatment protocol. I just wish somebody would treat me based on my 14 months of Sympto-Thermal Charting! At times, I feel I am back to square one.
I know that I need to be patient and trust in the Lord for his perfect timing. But everywhere I look, I see babies and happy families. I know I have a long road ahead and I fear that I will never reach the other end of the road.
Oh my dear Jesus, please please do not abandon me. I am so weak and I feel helpless struggling under the wieght of my cross. I just wish I had something to hope for this Easter. I am praying for all the Blogger Ladies, especially for my prayer buddy.
Wishing you all a Blessed Easter !!!