Monday, June 20, 2011

Agony of TTC Break Cycles

I hate Mandatory TTC Break Cycles !!! This Cycle we weren't supposed to TTC inorder to get my Post Peak Blood Work done. When my NaPro doctor asked us to stay away from TTC, I felt kind of ok but as Ovulation approached, I became restless. All the clear, stretchy mucus wasn't doing me any help. I felt so miserable knowing that we were wasting another cycle. What if I ovulated from the side I had the tube? What if this was the cycle we were to get pregnant and stay pregnant? What if this was the cycle St. Anthony would work a miracle? I even tried convincing my DH but he goes by rules. No luck!

I almost cried the entire time I saw fertile CM. Now I am mourning a missed TTC Cycle.  I haven't felt this bad when we couldn't TTC due to unavoidable reasons like Travel or Illness. But a mandatory break cycle is playing too much on my emotions. It's like being on Clomid!

God knows how many cycles we need to wait before anything is diagnosed. I feel so so terrible with this long wait. Father's Day left me with an even more broken heart. I didn't feel so bad on Mother's Day but as my husband stood up during Mass for the special Father's Day prayer, I was a crying mess.

Now that my mucus has dried up, I feel slightly better and pray to Lord for patience. I need to be humble & patient with my cross. Sometimes I dream that everything is ok with my body and all our previous losses were random chromosomal issues, the next time everything will be perfect and that the next time won't be too far. Other days, I worry that I will never be able to hold a little one in my arms. I need your prayers to continue on this journey to a miracle.

"Be patient, therefore, until the coming of the Lord. Behold, the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient over it until it receives the early and the late rain. You also must be patient. Strengthen your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is near." James 5:7-8

Thursday, June 9, 2011

First NaPro Appt

Yesterday, I had my first appt with a NaPro Ob/Gyn. In terms of duration, it wasn't as long as any of my previous Infertility Appts. But, it was the first time we left a doctor's office feeling happy and with renewed hopes for our future.

We briefly discussed my Medical History and she went through my Creighton Charts. She asked a few questions about Painful Periods, Pelvic Infections and so on. After hearing all this, she said it appears I have no problem getting pregnant but it's only with staying Pregnant. She also reminded us that Low Progesterone can cause Ectopic Pregnancies (which I never knew until I read the Creighton Book) and explained that the 3 possible reasons for recurrent pregnancy losses are:
  1. Clotting Disorders
  2. Chromosomes
  3. Hormonal Abnormalities
Since my previous doctors had covered all the blood work for the first two, I was left with the third one. And the only thing I have to do this cycle is to get my P+3, 5, 7&9 blood work for Estradiol & Progesterone. Is that all? :(
I mean.. I was expecting more tests, Ultrasound Series and so on from all your blogs.

She also quickly checked my cervix and found some Cervical Ectropion (thanks to Dr.Google for the spelling) and that explains why I have an abundance of Cervical Mucus & all the Baby Stamps. She said it shouldn't be a problem unless I am having difficulty identifying my Peak Day.

As of now, she isn't suspicious of Endo because of my pretty good mucus scores. Hmmm, I am wondering about this from what I have read on all your blogs. I have read about some of you who have had good Mucus & Endo. :( She mentioned something about Late Ovulation but didn't tell anything about PCOS. Hmm, I often wonder if I have PCOS but my bloodwork & ultrasounds have never shown that.

To conclude, my thyroid is normal, I don't have any clotting disorders, my uterus and fallopian tube seem ok (from the HSG Report) and our Chromsomes are good. Hmmm, if all this is ok, what is it that is preventing me from staying pregnant. In the back of my mind, I hear words like Endo & PCOS. But then, I remind myself that God has a plan for me. If I have Endo/PCOS, he will reveal it to me when the time is right or maybe I will never know about it. I have such deep fears inside me but then I know this journey is not going to be easy. How can I complaint when so many of my dear Blooger Friends have struggled so much to hold a baby in their arms?

Now ladies, if you could tell me about the tests you had during your first Napro Appt. I know I am on the right path but I need to know if I am doing all I can to improve our chances of having a baby.

And a small prayer I found:
Lord Jesus, give us the insight to make wise decisions, integrity to face the truth and courage to make difficult choices.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Creighton Charts

Yippe! Here are my CrMS Charts for the first 2 cycles. I have my first NaPro Appointment this week. Meanwhile, if any of you bloggers could shed some light on my chart...

  1. Baby Stamps everywhere, I wish I had a baby instead :)
  2. Bright Yellow all throughout the Post Peak Phase :)
  3. Fluctuating Post Peak Phases..
  4. And some Brown Mucus towards the end of my period. Hmmm what more could I ask for?
Now, what could be the reason for my recurrent miscarriages? I wish I had an easy answer but no, I need to be patient and play the waiting game.

So dear blogger friends, I welcome your inputs..

Oh my dear Lord, please please have mercy on us!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

3 Wonderful Years

Life has been busy the past few weeks. We celebrated our 3rd Wedding Anniversary on May 26th with a wonderful trip to Myrtle Beach. May is such a special month - the month of the Blessed Virgin Mary, and so many bloggers celebrated their wedding anniversaries in May. I just found out 2 other bloggers with whom we shared our Wedding Anniversary - Isaiah 55:8-9 and Andrew & Julie's Adoption Story. Wow! Isn't it amazing?

The past 3 years have been the best years of my life though my heart breaks to think about our struggles with infertility. When I feel sad that I am still childless after 3 years of marriage, I remember my dear Blogger Friends who have been struggling for so long. I am reminded in a good way that my suffering and pain are nothing when compared to the suffering of others. I need to pray more and grow spiritually. I need to love Jesus amidst my sufferings and sorrow.

I am looking forward to my first NaPro appointment with an Ob/Gyn in NC. The appointment is next week and I know this is just the beginning of a long journey ahead. We are hoping to find some answers. Recently, I have been struggling with Pregnancy Announcements in my family. On one side, I am happy that others don't have to embrace this cross of Infertility, but on the other side, I am an emotional wreck. Some days, I feel hopeless. I even wonder if I will ever have children. But then I remind myself to repeat the words "Jesus, I trust in You". Lord, whatever be your will, may we accept it with happiness.