Monday, September 15, 2014

Postpartum Cycles

Warning: This post is all about postpartum cycles, TTC and hormones. Feel free to skip it.

After our little Joseph was born, I had postpartum bleeding for 2 weeks and then spotting until Week 6. I was so happy when the Lochia ended. It meant we could resume intimacy after well a really long, long time. We were told to avoid intercourse the first half of pregnancy because of all the risks and the bleeding I had. The second half of pregnancy meant I was tired and with a huge belly, intimacy was completely out of question.

After the Lochia ended, I was dry as a desert. Not fun at all but Coconut Oil helped with all the dryness. However, I had my first period at 9 weeks postpartum. Since I am breastfeeding, I thought it would be a while before my period returned! Wrong! The first period was heavy and crampy. Hello AF! I had mixed emotions at the return of AF. It was a reminder of my broken body and the agonizing years of TTC. It also was a reminder that I had miraculously conceived and carried a baby to term.

I thought since AF had returned, I would be ovulating and having 30-32 day cycles. Lol! Wrong! Enter Week 12 and I began spotting and had light bleeding for a Week. After that my body has been producing 10KLs for weeks at a time. Looks like there is a big competition going on between breastfeeding and ovulation. Not ideal but right now we are neither trying to achieve nor trying to avoid. The post peak phase will be short the first few postpartum cycles and the chances of a miscarriage are high. We know it will be a while before my cycles regulate and most likely, it will be difficult to conceive while breastfeeding.

This is where I am torn. I love this baby so much and I just wish that there would be a next time and that the next time, we wouldn't need any treatments to get pregnant and stay pregnant. However, I feel selfish for even thinking of another baby when the Lord has blessed us so amazingly and when there are so many waiting to be blessed with a baby. Seriously, I remember how awful I felt the first 2 weeks postpartum with lack of sleep and all the pain from the stitches. I thought I would never ever have any desire for another baby because it seemed all too difficult to handle. Thankfully, things calmed down after the first 4 weeks and I had a very happy baby. When I see him smiling and cooing, I have baby fever. I don't know if I am insane for even thinking of it. DH thinks there is no serious reason that we should avoid and he is open to as many children as God would bless us with. Once my cycles return to a pattern, I will most likely visit my NaPro doctor to talk about progesterone. I am praying and hoping that there would be a next time but again I feel so selfish.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

3 Months...

I have missed blogging. Every time I think of writing something, my little one starts crying and then I have no time. Joseph turned 3 months on the 2nd of this month. He has grown so much and is beginning to show his personality. He has become more interactive with us with his funny chuckles and loud sounds. He throws a fight whenever he is sleepy.

Motherhood is amazing and hard at the same time. I remember how all I wanted the last five years was to have a baby in my arms. Now that Joseph is here, I thought I would be the happiest person in this world but that's not true. Life is still the same with joys and sorrows. Every single day brings it's own struggles. This reminds me why I need to strive for heaven because God alone can bring me perfect happiness. I love Joseph but there is something I miss about our life as two. Those days were painful but it brought us close in so many ways and we trusted in God with all our hearts. I was so used to my life as two that I almost struggle on some days to accept this new reality. I am afraid if I will be able to do my best for Joseph but then again I need to trust God.

Ok the little one is awake and needs me. I will be back to share more...