I hate Mandatory TTC Break Cycles !!! This Cycle we weren't supposed to TTC inorder to get my Post Peak Blood Work done. When my NaPro doctor asked us to stay away from TTC, I felt kind of ok but as Ovulation approached, I became restless. All the clear, stretchy mucus wasn't doing me any help. I felt so miserable knowing that we were wasting another cycle. What if I ovulated from the side I had the tube? What if this was the cycle we were to get pregnant and stay pregnant? What if this was the cycle St. Anthony would work a miracle? I even tried convincing my DH but he goes by rules. No luck!
I almost cried the entire time I saw fertile CM. Now I am mourning a missed TTC Cycle. I haven't felt this bad when we couldn't TTC due to unavoidable reasons like Travel or Illness. But a mandatory break cycle is playing too much on my emotions. It's like being on Clomid!
God knows how many cycles we need to wait before anything is diagnosed. I feel so so terrible with this long wait. Father's Day left me with an even more broken heart. I didn't feel so bad on Mother's Day but as my husband stood up during Mass for the special Father's Day prayer, I was a crying mess.
Now that my mucus has dried up, I feel slightly better and pray to Lord for patience. I need to be humble & patient with my cross. Sometimes I dream that everything is ok with my body and all our previous losses were random chromosomal issues, the next time everything will be perfect and that the next time won't be too far. Other days, I worry that I will never be able to hold a little one in my arms. I need your prayers to continue on this journey to a miracle.
"Be patient, therefore, until the coming of the Lord. Behold, the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient over it until it receives the early and the late rain. You also must be patient. Strengthen your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is near." James 5:7-8
Ugh! The "waiting" is the hardest part on that bloodwork cycle. I can also understand about the fact that you are "wasting" a cycle. I get impatient when I think I should be taking a medication that the doctor hasn't approved for me yet, and when she FINALLY does, its like I've wasted all the cycles before my "miracle drug combo" that will "fix me."
ReplyDeleteOne thing about infertility, we sure find out about patience, don't we? I will keep you in my prayers.
We were only told to do that once when we were learning Creighton and we didn't follow the rules ;) Oops. It will be worth it to have the valuable info from the blood work. Please know you are in my prayers tonight.
ReplyDeleteFather's Day was especially hard for me too. As many in my 'real' life don't know yet that we have been TTC, I fought so hard to hold the tears in and still had to look away from my Mom while the blessing was going on.
ReplyDeleteI will be praying for you.
Thank you for leaving a comment on my blog and for your prayer.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. When we were told to stop to TTC for a couple of months until my hormones normalize I was a mess. Fertile days were so stressful that I broke the rule a couple of times and just went for it.
Yes father days were the hardest for me too, just the possibility that my husband may never be a father was very hard.
Praying for you that god blesses you with a child soon.
Oh that is so hard. I hope they find out what is wrong and fix it quickly.
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