Saturday, January 4, 2014

Fears & Worries

I know I haven't blogged much about my fears and worries during this pregnancy. I am so thankful to God for this beautiful gift. I am so unworthy and will never understand God's ways. This pregnancy hasn't been all that easy but we are so grateful to God for giving us the graces we need.

The first few weeks were spent in lots of tears when I had bleeding and was told that I was at high risk for miscarriage because of a SCH. God helped us miraculously and at each ultrasound, we saw a growing baby with a strong heartbeat. By 10 weeks, I no longer had any bleeding.

Then at 13 weeks, I fell sick with the Flu. I was worried that the flu would hurt my baby's health. Thankfully, we survived the 3 long weeks of illness. There were days I wish I wasn't sick but then I knew it was again God who was in control and not me.

And on Christmas eve, I had abdominal cramps and lower backache. It was enough to fill us all with fear. I almost made up my mind to go to the ER. Thankfully, the cramps went away by Christmas day.    

The last few days I started worrying that my baby wasn't moving. I have felt a few twitches a few times from around 13 weeks. I really don't know if these twitches are actually the baby moving or something else like the uterus expanding. I was in tears today morning because of anxiety even though I knew it was too early to feel the baby's movement at 16 weeks. I tried praying and offering up my anxiety. I felt a little better after that. I need to wait till next Friday's appointment. I am a bundle of nerves and definitely need prayers.

Each day is a miracle but I am living in perpetual fear. I trust Jesus but how I wish we would get to meet our little one and bring him/her to the baptismal font. Oh Jesus, have mercy on us. I pray that we would get to baptize our baby and raise our child here for God 's kingdom. God 's will be done because in his infinite wisdom he knows what's best.


  1. Blogger ate my comment :(. Let's try again:

    I honestly don't know how you could have gone through all that you have and not have fear and I am in awe of your faith and your desire to yield to His will. I will continue to pray for you, increasing my prayers for peace in your heart during this pregnancy and as you meet your little one.

  2. Pregnancy is very difficult. I'm so sorry you are so fearful! I Lord is taking care of you and Mary is wrapping you in her mantle of grace. Prayers for a continued successful pregnancy.

  3. I so know how you feel... I'm almost 20 weeks now and still living in fear, although not as bad as it had been. As far as the movement goes... I read a few weeks ago that if you were feeling the baby and then not, most likely baby turned around and is kicking towards your back or kicking the placenta--both of which you wouldn't feel as much. I started feeling baby around 16 weeks, but it was really sporadic, so knowing that has helped with the anxiety.

  4. I can so relate! I am already almost 31 weeks pregnant, and the fear and anxiety are still there! I had a similar experience of feeling little flutters around 13-14 weeks, and then nothing until about 19-20 weeks. I have talked to several friends who experienced the same. I am thrilled to finally be pregnant, but it is very stressful!

  5. I just stumbled across your blog - Divine Providence I am sure, as I feel called to share with you a powerful intercessor... St. Philomena. She has many titles - one of which is 'Powerful with God' and was a particular intercessor for St. John Vianney. He said of her: "My children, St. Philomena, has great power with God. Her virginity and generosity in embracing her heroic martyrdom has rendered her so agreeable to God that He will never refuse her anything that she asks for us."

    Peace & Prayers, ~Kathleen

    1. Thank You Kathleen. Definitely praying to St. Philomena.

  6. Hope the pregnancy goes fast. It is hard not to feel anxious after what you have gone through. Hugs.

  7. This is Amy from Colorado, I have been praying so hard for you!
    I know your fear too. GOD is in control :-)
    I am 18 weeks now. I had the same off and on movements too. I get anointing of the sick once a month, that helps SO much. God bless!