I was on HCG this cycle and I decided to test to satisfy my curiosity. Today is P+13 and there was no magical line on that cheapo HPT strip. The HCG is out of my system! And along with the HCG, my hopes have gone. I feel pathetic. I knew I would have high hopes on a new medication only to hit rock bottom. Why can't I get to see two dark lines?
My thoughts are wandering. One more month and it's our 4th wedding anniversary. And this month was the due date of our first baby lost to ectopic pregnancy. I am supposed to have a 3 year old with me! And here I am as good as where we started. I don't have children here on earth. I just wish I didn't have to think of Infertility every single day. Not a second goes by without thinking of IF. It is a part of who I am. I wish I could forget about IF and live happily with my husband. This is a heavy cross to bear and I wish I could handle it in a better way. I wish I could handle suffering with grace like the saints instead of feeling pathetic and lashing out on my husband.
My thoughts are wandering. One more month and it's our 4th wedding anniversary. And this month was the due date of our first baby lost to ectopic pregnancy. I am supposed to have a 3 year old with me! And here I am as good as where we started. I don't have children here on earth. I just wish I didn't have to think of Infertility every single day. Not a second goes by without thinking of IF. It is a part of who I am. I wish I could forget about IF and live happily with my husband. This is a heavy cross to bear and I wish I could handle it in a better way. I wish I could handle suffering with grace like the saints instead of feeling pathetic and lashing out on my husband.
