Sunday, July 15, 2012

Wish I didn't have to do it

The appointment which I was supposed to have with Dr. KK in June was rescheduled to August 16th. I have been sitting in front of the computer trying to book tickets. How I wish I didn't have to do this? Lord, why can't I get a BFP and go on to have a baby. I really don't want to travel to Chicago! I don't want to spent $$$$$ on another set of labs. I cannot even fathom the amount I have to spent if I need IVIG treatment. My insurance is horrible! Lord, please please sent me a baby. I am so ready to be a mother.

But I have to do something right? My body hasn't been able to sustain a pregnancy!
I also went ahead and called PPVI. It had been over 2 months since I received the reply from Dr. H but I waited & waited hoping for some sort of miracle pregnancy. For the past few days, I have been waiting for the phone to ring so that I can go ahead and get some dates for the surgery which again I wish I didn't have to do.

We need to go to India for my sister's wedding in October. And there is a high probability that we will be moving to Canada mostly by the beginning of next year. I just don't know how we are going to manage all the expenses. My poor DH. He is working so hard for us while I enjoy staying-at-home! Only if I could become a stay-at-home mother, I wouldn't have felt so bad.

I am trusting that the Lord will provide. I really wish God would speak to me clearly as to what treatments I need to pursue so that I don't end up doing things in vain. Most Blessed Virgin, St. Anne, St. Anthony, St. Gianna, St. Gerard, please pray for us. I feel so weak.

14 comments:

  1. So much to take in all at once. Holding you close in prayer.

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  2. :( So sorry you are dealing with all this. Keeping you in my prayers!

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  3. Praying for you!!!!! I know words aren't enough, but I'm keeping you close in prayer!

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  4. What a difficult decision. Prayers to you.

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  5. Praying for you!!!!

    Btw, what part of Canada are you planning to move to? I hope and pray it's close to me!!!!

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  6. I have been reading your blog for awhile now and I am so sorry you are faced with these struggles. I might have missed a post someplace but who is Dr. KK? I will be praying for you!

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    1. Dr. K.w.ak-K.i.m of Rosalind Franklin University is a very famous RE who specializes in Reproductive Immunology.

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  7. Praying for you! Hoping you get answers to your recurrent pregnancy loss soon, so that the next pregnancy is the child you get to meet! You are in good hands with both Dr. H and Dr. KK...the best of the best.

    BTW- got to meet your FCP this past week at a Napro conference. She got a lot of good info she may share with you. One topic that was interesting to me was all about inflammation in the body (due to endo, food sensitivities, etc.) and how it can contribute to IF and miscarrage. The way to combat the inflammation is to go on a no dairy, gluten, or sugar diet. Also, adding large amounts of Omega 3s in. Made me wonder if inflammation was a cause of my previous 2 miscarriages since the 3rd one that stuck I was following such a diet and taking low dose naltrexone (which reduces inflammation I just found out). Thought I'd share that with you as something to think about because I found it interesting and thought you might too.

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  8. I hardly pray at all these days, but when I do--It will include you!

    Your faith, through such heartache, is really awe-inspiring.

    I am so sorry you are hurting.

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  9. The answer will come, praying it'll be as clear as day for you.

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  10. I am praying for God to make the right choice(s) very clear in your mind and in your life. That reminds me...when I have heard spiritual directors talk about discernment, some have said that sometimes there are multiple "right" answers. God is always with you, and He is always helping you! He will guide you in your discernment.

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  11. I'm sorry for all the financial worries. I will say that even if you do get pregnant in the next couple weeks, I would not cancel your appointment with Dr. KK. I went to her just a few days after finding out I was pregnant with my son - she was able to start treatment the day I went out there based on what they saw on ultrasound and my records. Without her, I really do not think I would have sustained the pregnancy. There is obviously something going on with your body that needs to be treated - don't get so close and then pass it up! And you could refuse the IVIG if it is too much and she will still treat you. Our plan was to try a pregnancy with her without IVIG first, but luckily IVIG didn't end up being recommended anyway. Praying for you!

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  12. Hang in there. You are making all the right decisions. Going w these drs is a bold decision but one that you will forever be thankful for. I remember feeling the same way....that's normal. Just continue down this path God is leading u down and he will take charge!

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  13. thanks for sharing.

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