Monday, December 10, 2012

Random Updates

Prayer Buddy, if you are reading this post, please say a few prayers for me.

I have been feeling bitter for the last few days. I was fuming at DH for no particular reason. And then I remembered that last year on the Feast of Juan Diego (Dec 9th), I had conceived and went onto have a miscarriage and how horrible I felt during Christmas. Yet, I hoped that this year would be it and that I would have a miracle but God definitely had other plans. I went back and read some of the posts I wrote last Christmas and I am in tears. Please pray that I may find peace this Christmas and that I may not lose hope.

I am traveling to India tomorrow for a 6 week vacation for my sister's wedding. Though I am glad that I will be with my family, I am sad as I will not be celebrating Christmas with DH for the first time since getting married. It breaks my heart but we have no other choice. Please pray that DH can be there in time for the wedding. Right now, he is having some issues with his Leave Plans.

We just completed our 21 days of Biaxin. We had to avoid the last cycle and I had no issues since it was the first cycle after surgery. However, this cycle I really wanted to TTC. For the last 3-4 months we were avoiding as per the instructions from PPVI. I feel like the clock is ticking and we need to get back on the TTC wagon. It doesn't help every time I see good fertile CM. I wish I didn't have to wait so long and I am growing impatient. Now, I have to wait until my vacation is over!

We tried for 7 cycles after my last miscarriage but nothing happened! Yes, some cycles were on Femara, Metformin, HCG and other medications. Now that the surgery is over, I really don't know what to expect. I have my Lovenox and Prednisone waiting but I don't want to try it until we are really TTCing. I am stressing over everything. Please pray that I can surrender everything to Jesus and follow his Will. And we renewed our Total Consecration to Jesus through Mary on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. I feel horrible that I still haven't surrendered myself completely to Jesus and Mama Mary. I really want to have control over my life and I know it is not a healthy thought.

Prayer Buddy, I have been praying for you. I have been offering up my loneliness, the empty feeling within me and my anxieties for your intentions.


4 comments:

  1. Praying for you, travel safe!

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  2. Sage travels!!!!! Praying for you!!!

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  3. Prayers for safe travels and good health. You have lots going on. He is by your side!

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  4. J - You are in my prayers. I can relate to what you said about having trouble giving up total control to Jesus & Mary. I finally did my Total Consecration on Sunday. :) That really stinks that you and your husband have to wait, but I am so hopeful for both of you since you just did the surgery and completed the Biaxin protocol. Have a good and safe trip. I hope your sister's wedding is a joyous celebration!

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