Thursday, March 7, 2013

Where I am and Prayers Needed

I need your prayers. I am facing a really bad day. Yes, it is CD14 and we were doing 10 days of Biaxin this cycle. We were to TTC this cycle but it hasn't happened yet. Call it stress at work or lack of sleep but things haven't gone as they should have with DH. Yes, we did try TTCing a few times but it didn't work. The stress is not helping either of us. I have enough things to worry and the thought of this cycle being wasted is causing me anxiety. I never knew that not being able to TTC would be so agonizing.

I am trying to stay calm because my heart hurt when DH apologized over and over again. I don't know what I should do. Ladies, if you have any advice what I could do to help DH to reduce all this stress. I feel so miserable for having to post this. I feel I am being tested again and again. I am just trying to tell myself that maybe God doesn't want us to try this cycle. I am just praying and offering this failed cycle for this blogger and all others who are waiting.

13 comments:

  1. Oh TTC stress is awful!!! I totally get this and we have had plenty of times where this was the case for us too and yes, it stinks when 1) it doesn't happen and 2) our DH's start apologizing - that makes me feel horrible like I pressured him into something. I don't have much advice, except for maybe asking him if he has a preferred "time of the day" that would work better. For us, my husband is super tired and worn out after work and bedtime is usually not a good time for us, but early morning is. I know this is getting kind of personal, but I do hope you both can dump the stress and let the peace of God in to replace it. I will be praying for you both!!

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  2. Prayers! I'm sorry you're under so much stress.

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  3. Something that we have found helpful is to schedule less time doing other activities and reducing caffeine and sugar intake during the time of TTC. It helps to make our bodies more calm and know that we are not thinking about a prior engagement that we have. I also like JBTC's idea of asking him what time of day is best for him. I also had to have a conversation w/ my DH about making sure we were not forgetting about the unitive aspect of the marital embrace, sometimes we think of it as only TTC instead of renewing our marriage covenant. Praying for you!

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  4. So stressful, and I think almost everyone who has struggled to conceive has been in your situation. I always tried to give my husband advance warning of when the right days to try would be and then let him decide what time of day would work best for him. If one or both of us wasn't up to it one night, we tried it the next morning. I do feel for the guys because they do have added pressure to make it happen. But I also know how hard it is for the woman because it sort of seems out of your control. Sending a prayer your way!

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  5. Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry! I agree with most of the commenters above, so the only new thing I'll add is what about something to try and reduce DH's stress when he gets home from work...a nice walk together outside, a back or foot massage for him, a glass of wine for both of you, etc.

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  6. Oh yes, the stress of TTC is terrible! I am so sorry. Usually for us, TTC was better in the am, after we'd both gotten a good nights rest & we'd forgotten the previous days' events. I was/am guilty of forgetting the unitive aspect & DH always felt like he was a prize steer or something. But TTC & all aspects of it (since we know SO much about how our bodies work) is something I think as a woman is hard to turn off.
    I hope I'm not advice giving & being pushy, but I do want to say that I've been in a similar situation & am praying for where you and your DH are. Thanks for sharing so that we can pray for you! ((( hugs)))

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  7. I wish I had advice for you, but just prayers: I'm in the same boat this cycle so far. We have a little more time since I haven't reached peak yet, but today is probably it.

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  8. We too are on the TTC journey. We have no kids and are dealing with IF. It is not easy. It is even harder if either one of us makes it an all consuming life goal...When it becomes an idol or a obsession it robs us of all other moments of the day. It is the stealer of joy. IF is a thief. it steals what you don't have and it trys to steal what you do have if you let it.

    My advice, you have got to put the focus on your faith and marriage not the baby. Do those same things you used to do when you first married. Keep that "honeymoon" spark alive and fun. If either one of you is in your head the whole time thinking "baby" or "this has got to work this time" it will most likely not work and wont be fun. Being in your head puts extra stress.

    Put the focus back on love and life. Go on a walk everyday and talk like you are best friends. Go on dates once a week, get dressed up, compliment each other everyday, write little love notes and put them everywhere like a lunch box, a desk drawer etc. Ask all those silly "get to know you" questions and see if your answers have changed over the years....Just as hard as you are TTC it is better to try harder to keep your marriage and faith alive.

    If your life's goal right now is "baby," just change it to something else. I am not saying stop thinking or trying to have a baby, but just get your focus off of it. Treat it like breakfast. It is a small part of the day. Talk about it for a short time but then live the rest of your day having other meals, jobs, hobbies, friends etc. Actually limit yourself everyday about how much you think, read, talk and do about IF. Let it claim only a small part of your day. Personally we came up with a few other life goals right now and it has really taken the pressure off of TTC. We made a few really simple ones so we can celebrate achievements. Since life is often short and hard, celebrating is so important. Celebrate everything if you can!

    hope this helps!
    Praying!

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  9. I am so sorry you are going through such a hard time. Praying for you.

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  10. My heart aches when I read this post. I think it is something that is so overlooked in TTC-the act and how draining it can be on a marriage. I remember many times just crying and getting so upset. It made me feel horrible and yucky.

    We prayed a lot and offered it up as well. One thing we tried was changing the location...we have a guest room and our room. Just to try to change things up. It's hard to be TTC in the same place, every month, without any hope of a pregnancy.

    Prayers for you!

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  11. I'm sorry it's been so hard lately. Have you tried brainstorming with your DH what might help reduce his stress? Ask him what he thinks would help, especially specifics when he gets home from work. Does he need a daily backrub, a short time for him to vent about work stuff, a walk, prayer time with you, cuddling on the couch together, etc.? Does he need more sleep? I agree with the ladies above who said to try to work on the non-TTC aspects of your relationship. My DH had a really stressful job and some nights it helped him to say we're not going to TTC at all tonight--let's just spend time together. Many times it helped to plan the day before that we would TTC the following day, just so he could mentally prepare and he wouldn't feel so much pressure from a spur-of-the-moment decision that we HAD to use that day. Using his preferred time of the day (morning vs. after work vs. bedtime) was also helpful. Praying for you!

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  12. Blessed Be - I just now read your post, but you are in my prayers. The stress of getting the timing correct when you are trying a new treatment is so overwhelming sometimes. It is really difficult when spouses have to be out of town or work long hours. I pray that God will help your timing to work out just perfectly. May he reduce the stress you feel in making those decisions. May he help your schedules to line up. May he help you and your husband to be able to enjoy the marital embrace as you never have before, knowing that He is taking care of all of it. May you be able to renew your vows together during that embrace with complete trust that your lives are in His hands.

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  13. Just checking in and wanted you to know I was thinking about you. I was rereading your ttc journey doing research for a friend. I am so sorry for your long and difficult road and all your beautiful saints in heaven. Sending you big hugs!

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