It's been a while since I updated my blog. I don't seem to find the motivation to write anything.
These are a few of the questions that have crossed my mind lately.
How long do you have to keep trying? How long do you actively TTC with medications? How long before you put an end to this emotional roller coaster?
I just realized that today is the 6th month anniversary of my surgery with PPVI. I met my local NaPro doc last week. She asked if I wanted to try Ovulation Induction again and I agreed. I also requested for LDN. She also reminded me that ovulation might be my problem because with Insulin Resistance, my body behaves similar to PCOS only that my ovaries are not enlarged and don't produce cysts. I am on P+14 and had a BFN this morning. I sort of knew it but sometimes you still hope that this cycle could be it. I once thought that miscarriage was my problem but now I don't know why I have not been able to conceive after my last miscarriage.
I am on an edge right now. I am kind of ready to give up TTC but I also want to squeeze in 1 or 2 cycles of Clomid, Prednisone and Lovenox before I put an end to this waiting game. I have a feeling none of this is going to work.
I am having a hard time wrapping my head around suffering. I completely trust God but I don't understand what God wants me to do with my suffering. Yes, I pray and offer it up for the salvation of souls but I wish this whole thing made more sense on a personal level. I know all good things come from God and so infertility and miscarriage is not the will of God.
And we always pray to accept the will of our Heavenly Father which is ultimately good for our souls. I just wish I clearly knew what God's Will is for me. I cannot stop this suffering but how does God want to mold me from my situation. I pray I have some answers.
I also know that miracles are possible, healing is also possible as 'All things are possible with God'. Yes, I keep praying for healing or a miracle but sometimes I feel so weak. Is it ok to stop praying for healing or for a miracle? Can I just pray to find peace and joy with my life without children? Is that what God wants from me? I don't know. I just wish I knew.
These are a few of the questions that have crossed my mind lately.
How long do you have to keep trying? How long do you actively TTC with medications? How long before you put an end to this emotional roller coaster?
I just realized that today is the 6th month anniversary of my surgery with PPVI. I met my local NaPro doc last week. She asked if I wanted to try Ovulation Induction again and I agreed. I also requested for LDN. She also reminded me that ovulation might be my problem because with Insulin Resistance, my body behaves similar to PCOS only that my ovaries are not enlarged and don't produce cysts. I am on P+14 and had a BFN this morning. I sort of knew it but sometimes you still hope that this cycle could be it. I once thought that miscarriage was my problem but now I don't know why I have not been able to conceive after my last miscarriage.
I am on an edge right now. I am kind of ready to give up TTC but I also want to squeeze in 1 or 2 cycles of Clomid, Prednisone and Lovenox before I put an end to this waiting game. I have a feeling none of this is going to work.
I am having a hard time wrapping my head around suffering. I completely trust God but I don't understand what God wants me to do with my suffering. Yes, I pray and offer it up for the salvation of souls but I wish this whole thing made more sense on a personal level. I know all good things come from God and so infertility and miscarriage is not the will of God.
And we always pray to accept the will of our Heavenly Father which is ultimately good for our souls. I just wish I clearly knew what God's Will is for me. I cannot stop this suffering but how does God want to mold me from my situation. I pray I have some answers.
I also know that miracles are possible, healing is also possible as 'All things are possible with God'. Yes, I keep praying for healing or a miracle but sometimes I feel so weak. Is it ok to stop praying for healing or for a miracle? Can I just pray to find peace and joy with my life without children? Is that what God wants from me? I don't know. I just wish I knew.
