Thoughts

Today morning as I stood in front of the mirror looking at my bruised stomach, my heart felt heavy. All these shots didn't make a difference! I hugged DH and cried for a long time. I feel so sorry for my husband. He cannot see me in pain. It breaks his heart to see me suffering physically and emotionally. I can handle my pain but my heart breaks when I see him worried for me.

He reminded me how our suffering was much needed in today's world. As I thought of the thousands of babies that are ripped apart in their mother's womb every single day, I am ready to suffer for Jesus. I am ready to bear all that he sends my way in reparation. So many people don't know God. So many don't love him. So many die in sin. And the least I can do is get on my knees in reparation, to beg pardon for all the outrages, to offer my little suffering for all the offenses against natural law, to pray for conversion of souls.

Five years ago, as we exchanged our vows, I didn't know where God was leading us. He has made us stronger in ways we can never comprehend. He has taught us the value of suffering. He has taught us the value of every single life. He has given us his Blessed Mother and all the Saints to pray for us.

And I am at peace because as much as I love this baby, I know that God loves my child more than I do or more than anyone can. He knows what's best for my baby. Our Blessed Mother knows the pain of losing her only son. St. Gianna suffered two miscarriages. She sure knows the pain of losing children. I have lot to learn from their lives and their suffering. I am not alone in my suffering. Why do I fear? These words of St. Gianna have been in my mind, "I promise You, Jesus, to submit myself to all that You permit to happen to me. Let me only know Your will."