Friday, June 21, 2013

Another Announcement because I need Prayers

I had pretty much nothing to update on this blog until yesterday. I wasn't charting this cycle and I had very few days of mucus. I even thought I hadn't ovulated and so we didn't actively try this cycle. I only took 4-5 days of Progesterone from CD 20. Yesterday was CD 29 and I saw a little brown mucus. I decided to take an early HPT and it came back positive or rather faintly positive. And the anxiety began.

I should be feeling thankful because I have been blessed for a seventh time but all I have been feeling is indifference. I managed to call PPVI and they called in for the PIO shots. I sucked it in and contacted Dr. KK's office. I took my first shot of Lovenox and began Prednisone yesterday. I was trying to stay neutral and not get my hopes high.

Then today I took another HPT and the line is still faint instead of getting dark. I feel I cannot handle this any longer. The tears haven't stopped. I don't even know what to pray.

I had reached a stage of Acceptance over the last few months. I was beginning to believe that I wouldn't get pregnant as it had been 18 months since my last miscarriage. I was at peace with everything. As we celebrated our 5th anniversary, I learned to accept our family of 2. I read Trustful Surrender To Divine Providence over and over again till it made complete sense to me. I was ready to surrender my will. I prayed to abandon myself to God and it gave me so much happiness.

But yesterday, all the demons have been unleashed. I don't know why this is happening. Maybe it means that I should stop TTC-ing with my broken body. Maybe that is what God wants from me - to give up trying for a child. I cannot handle years and years of pain and anxiety. I just wish there was some way around - some miracle waiting to happen. Please say a prayer for me. Thank You!

15 comments:

  1. Praying for you that you will finally be able to hold a baby in your arms.

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  2. Sending many many prayers your way!!!

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  3. ok, I am storming the heavens for you!!!!!

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  4. Oh J - I am so sorry this is happening again, but I am praying that this baby will hold on and grow! St. Catherine of Siena, pray for us!! St. Anthony, pray for us! St. Raymond Nonnatus, pray for us!!!!

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  5. I asked St. Gianna for her prayers for you and your baby last night, and Pietro her husband too (and said prayers for him in case he's not a saint yet!) I will try to remember to keep asking them every day!

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  6. I am keeping you & your baby in my prayers! I've been adding you to my daily prayers and asking family & friends in heaven to intercede for you (as well as the saints).
    Love, prayers & hugs coming your way! <3

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  7. I am so sorry for your pain. Praying for you.

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