Thoughts on this Pregnancy

Now that I am nearing 10 weeks, the furthest I have been pregnant, I have so many thoughts floating around in my head. I will never understand how God is and has been working in my life. All the tears, the pain, the suffering over the last 5 years and now this unfathomable gift of new life makes me tremble with joy and fear. 10 weeks is such a huge milestone for me. While most people have their first OB appt between weeks 8 & 12, I have had 6 appts between weeks 5 and 10. I can never comprehend God's ways. He is a loving God and was bringing me closer to Him the last 5 years. I don't know what my life will look like tomorrow but I know He will give me the graces to handle suffering just like the last 5 years. Though I prayed for physical healing from IF and recurrent miscarriages, I know it was spiritual healing I needed the most.

It has been a long & difficult journey but He was guiding me all the time. Leading me to your blogs, teaching me about NaPro, bringing me to the best doctors and teaching me to wait patiently. The first few years were really tough as things were moving so slowly. However, in the last 1.5 years, things progressed at a quicker pace. My trip to Illinois to meet Dr. KK and then my trip to Omaha was all bringing me closer to physical healing. There were days when I felt all these trips were unnecessary and there was nothing left treatment wise to pursue. We began praying that we would be able to adopt some day if it was God's will.

When I became pregnant in June and had adverse side effects to Immune treatments, we were ready to let go of everything. We were ready to stop all treatments. However, I decided to try the Immune Protocol one last time before closing the book on treatments. I will never know if that is what helped me this time but I definitely know it is God who has made this possible. Every pregnancy is a miracle but that I have made it to 10 weeks is such a huge miracle. Thank you Lord!

Some more details on the Conception Cycle:

Daily Meds: Armour 45mg, Metformin 1500mg, Vit D 5000, Baby Aspirin, Fish Oil, Folic Acid 5mg, Prenatal,  Calcium Citrate

Cd 3-7 Clomid 50mg
Cd 7 onwards - Lovenox 40mg shots daily
P+4 onwards - Prednisone 10mg
P+5 onwards - Progesterone 300 mg vaginal capsules
P+10 - Got a faint positive on HPT.
P+11 - Began 200 mg PIO shots twice weekly. Increased Prednisone to 20mg. See some brown spotting for few days.
P+15 - Went for first Beta Hcg after line became slightly dark on HPT.  First Beta 492.
P+18 - Second Beta 2042. Red spotting.
P+ 20 - Third Beta 4450. Spotting continues. Worried about ectopic.
P+ 21 - First ultrasound. Saw gestational sac and yolk salk. Measuring 5w1d. Cervix looked swollen which was probably causing the spotting. Begin bed rest. Also begin 5000 units of HCG twice a week.
P+24 - Bright red bleeding episode. Stop Lovenox and Baby Aspirin after consulting with Dr. KK's office.
P+ 25 - Progesterone in Zone 4.
P+26 - More bleeding with clots. Another ultrasound shows a sub chorionic hemmorhage. Baby is measuring 5w6d and heart rate is 103bpm. Dr. puts me on complete bed rest. Begin 200mg progesterone rectal suppositories twice a day. HCG is 15000.
6w1d - Ultrasound shows SCH is pressing on sac but baby's heart beat has increased to 122 bpm. Begin Azithromycin for 14 days as per PPVI.
6w6d - Red bleeding has changed to spotting. Baby's heart rate has gone up to 138 bpm. Doctor is happy that the SCH has reduced.
7w - Begin IV Clindamycin for 10 days as per PPVI. My parents are here to help me out.
9w1d - We were able to see our baby waving his/her arm during ultrasound. Heart beat was 190 bpm. Progesterone was in Mid Zone 2.
9w2d - First OB appt. Complete physical examination. Baby's heart beat is 188 bpm.

I have been going to my local NaPro doctor for all my appts. It's a one hour drive but she is willing to work with PPVI and Dr. KK. I have another OB appointment on Nov 26th. If everything goes well, we will switch to a new OB after 20 weeks but we are in no hurry. I feel well most of the time. I have no nausea and feel energetic most of the time. Some days I feel worried like my Progesterone fell from Zone 4 to Zone 2 inspite of the shots, suppositories and HCG. However, I am thankful to God that I have been working with the best doctors. I have lot of bloodwork to be done to monitor by immune issues. Need to ship my samples to Dr. KK's lab.

God is so good!

I have no words to describe my gratitude to Almighty God for all his blessings. We had a perfect ultrasound today. Baby is measuring 9w1d. Heart beat was 190 bpm. The little one waved his/her arms. I got all teary eyed. The clot has reduced significantly and my doctor was so happy. I have been scheduled for my first OB appt. Feels a little strange since I have had so many ultrasounds the past 4 weeks. I don't even know what an OB appt is going to be like. Is this really happening? I am pregnant and there is life growing in my womb. It definitely feels like a dream.

Thank you Lord! Thank you my dear Heavenly Mother. We are so so unworthy for this gift. We pray and hope that we get to meet and raise this little one here on earth. I am praying for all my dear blogger friends specially all those who are waiting to meet their spouse or hold a baby in their arms.

Fearing the unknown

Each day is a struggle with some kind of worry or the other. Some days like yesterday when I had more bleeding than spotting, I was overwhelmed with fear. I was telling my husband how I wish I could go for an ultrasound to ease my heart but he reminded me that I needed to trust God. He reminded me that I had to leave it to God rather than living in constant fear. I couldn't go in for an ultrasound ever single day!

Then there are other days when I feel completely normal. Zero symptoms. I will not lie. I have had no nausea, fatigue, sore boobs nothing! I know everyone is different but I just wish I could feel that I am pregnant. Maybe it's because I am on PIO shots and daily suppositories. It maybe the high doses of progesterone which is making me feel normal. Of course being on bedrest could be another reason why I don't feel tired. I have gained a few pounds in the last two weeks. I need to take that as a good sign but then I think it is the steroid which is doing that to my body. I am also eating more than usual, not that I am hungry but my Mom ensures that I eat well. So I eat something every few hours and I think I am going to end up with a huge appetite.

I often touch my belly but I know it 's too early for a bump. All I feel is the fluff over there. How I wish I could feel something more.
The IV comes out on friday. Two more days but I am looking forward to Monday's ultrasound. I just need to hold it together till Monday. I will be around 9 weeks by Monday. I am so anxious. I cannot believe that I am 8 weeks pregnant. Is this a dream?

Ladies, I am so grateful for all your prayers and kind words. I could literally feel all your prayers. Praying and hoping that everything will be fine during the next ultrasound. Oh my Jesus, I love thee. Please help me to trust thee completely. And our little one, we love you so much. We are so thankful to God for giving us the miracle of you my sweet one.

IV and other updates

Wow! I survived another week on bed rest. Red bleeding changed to spotting and the last one week, I have been passing brown or black clots occasionally. Scary but I am trusting my doctor that it is old blood from the SCH! Who would have thought you would need to wear a pad every day of your pregnancy! I had an ultrasound last Monday. Baby measured 6w6d and heart rate was 138bpm. Thank you Jesus for this sweet miracle. I walk in to each ultrasound with so much anxiety but come out feeling relieved.

On tuesday, I got a peripheral IV line for Clindamycin. My parents have come all the way from India to help me out. I feel so pampered and spoiled. The IV site needs to be changed every 3 days but other than that things are going smoothly. The pump is easy to handle and it's in a bag. I can take the bag with me when I need to use the restroom. We go in for another ultrasound in 10 days after the IV infusion is over. I am learning to trust Jesus that everything will be fine.

On Thursday, our Pastor came over to hear my confession. He anointed me and I was able to receive the Eucharist. What a blessing to be able to receive 3 sacraments on the same day. And then he gave us the special blessing for the baby in the womb according to the new rite. Beautiful prayer! I really love our Catholic faith. I feel so much better spiritually. Father told he would get me a relic of Blessed Jacinta and Blessed Francisco. I have a special devotion to them. I am hoping and praying that the next few days pass uneventfully. I sometimes feel a little worried as I have no pregnancy symptoms but I know 7.5 weeks is kind of early. Please keep praying for us. Thank you Jesus! Thank you Mama Mary and all the saints in heaven for interceding for us.