Sometimes it's so Difficult

Sometimes it's so difficult to feel normal. Some days are so hard. Last Cycle, my very first cycle on Progesterone Supplements, I prayed & hoped & allowed myself to dream about being pregnant. The whole Post Peak Phase was pure torture. I had so many weird symptoms & kept wondering if any of those were related to pregnancy. I really hoped that I would get a positive pregnancy test. But unfortunately, my dreams were shattered when I began getting negative tests from P+10. And yet I continued testing every single day.

I don't know if it was the Progesterone as I felt so angry, irritated & depressed the whole Post Peak Phase. I had P+7 Bloodwork done for Progesterone and I kept waiting for more than a week to hear from my NaPro doctor's office. I was an emotional wreck and had no control over myself. And then I started spotting from P+11. What the heck? Luckily, Progesterone never lengthened my Luteal Phase and my Cycle began by P+14 evening.

I kept contacting my doctor's office to get my P+7 results but didn't hear back from them. This added to my frustration. I know it's just a P+7 result but I needed to know what I had to do the next cycle. I wanted to know if the Progesterone Supplements had worked and if I could do Clomid/Femara the new cycle. When it was CD 2, I was so annoyed with my NaPro doctor's office. How could they take so long to tell me the result inspite of contacting them for so many days? I didn't know what to do and felt I was wasting my time with NaPro. By CD 3, I almost made up my mind to call the RE whom I had visited a few months ago and who had suggested Clomid, Ovidrel & Prometrium. Why should I waste my time with NaPro? I needed to do something. I know it was silly but I cried so much all those days not knowing what to do. I was so angry with God for not answering my prayers.

Atlast, on CD 4, my NaPro doctor called me and told that my P+7 Progesterone was 24 (last cycle it was 7). I breathed a sigh of relief. Atleast, the Progesterone had worked. I asked her about Clomid/Femara but she was in a hurry and said probably after 2 cycles. I tried mentioning my Long Cycles and that my Peak Day was P+24 but she didn't have much to say. Hmmm, I know NaPro has given me a diagnosis but I don't know if I am getting the best NaPro treatment.

I know life is not perfect and we don't get what we want but I don't want to have regrets that I didn't take care of my Fertility. Now that I am in my Pre-Peak Phase, I am much more reasonable and feel sorry for being angry with God. I pray that I become more patient and accept God's Plan. I pray that I learn to say Yes to the Plan of God like Our Blessed Virgin Mary.

I am offering up all my frustrations for my Prayer Buddy and for all whose who are waiting. It is so good to be able to pray for someone else rather than focusing on yourself.
And my Prayer Buddy, I would appreciate if you could pray for me that I get over my frustrations and that God guides me as to what I should do next.