I am amazed at the Power of Prayer. During this Prayer Buddy Season, I have been witnessing so many miracles in our Blogger World. Praise be to God! It gives me hope as we continue to wait. It reminds me that God has a beautiful plan for us. It encourages me to be patient.
The more I read blogs, the more I admire Dr. Hilgers. It is amazing how he has given hope to so many ladies struggling with IF. I have been wondering if it's time for me to go to PPVI. As each cycle goes by, I know something is wrong otherwise I should have conceived. And even if I conceive, will I ever hold a baby in my arms? I don't know if I have Endo and if that is the reason I have trouble getting pregnant and staying pregnant. I hate it when doctors tell me I have no problem getting Pregnant! For heaven's sake that is not true! With fertility-focused intercourse, it shouldn't take you more than 6 months to conceive even if you have one tube. So I know it's not true that I can get pregnant easily. I have long cycles and with 10 cycles in a year, I know there is something wrong with my Ovulation. I wish my doctor would take me seriously.
I am worried about a repeat ectopic because of Endo or any other probable reason. I am worried my Ob/Gyn has screwed up my insides after the Lap for Ectopic. Could I be having adhesions because of that surgery? The only way I can know for sure is another Lap. And that is why I have been wondering about Dr. Hilgers.
One part of me wants to go to Omaha but I don't know if it is going to be possible. I am a stay-at-home wife and with one person working in the family, I doubt if we can ever afford PPVI. And our insurance doesn't cover anything related to Fertility! I am worried that if we go back to India (after my DH's work here in the US) we will never have an opportunity to get NaPro treatments. I am worried that I am losing time as I will soon be out of my twenties. I am worried that after 3 years of Marriage, we haven't made any progress with regards to Fertility other than the Progesterone. And I would be surprised if my problems are as simple as Low Progesterone! What do we do? Do we go to Omaha while we we are here? Do we have the courage to use all our Savings to make a trip to PPVI?
I don't know but I pray for discernment. I pray to God to show us the way. I pray to God to open doors. I hope & pray that I continue trusting my local NaPro doctor. I hope and pray that I wouldn't need a surgery for Endo/Adhesions. I pray for a miracle! With God, all things are possible. Jesus, I trust in you.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
The Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary
I found this on a Prayer Card.
Happy Birthday dearest Mother Mary!
Oh my dear Mother, what do I gift you on your birthday? On this day when Saints Anna and Joachim rejoiced, on this day when the Mother of God was born, on this day when our Heavenly Mother was born....
I offer you our marriage and fertility, all our hopes and trials, all our joys and sorrows. Let me never worry because your maternal love will guide us to Your dear Son Jesus. Let me never despair and always trust in your most powerful intercession.Thank you dear Mother for being there for us.
When you follow her; you will not go astray;
When you pray to her, You will not despair;
When you think of her, You will not err;
When she holds you up, You will not fail;
When she protects you, You will not fear;
When she leads you, You will not be fatigued;
When she favors you, You will arrive safely.
She keeps her Son from striking us;
She keeps the devil from hurting us;
She keeps our virtues from escaping us;
She keeps our merits from being destroyed;
She keeps our graces from being lost.
(St Bernard)
Happy Birthday dearest Mother Mary!
Oh my dear Mother, what do I gift you on your birthday? On this day when Saints Anna and Joachim rejoiced, on this day when the Mother of God was born, on this day when our Heavenly Mother was born....
I offer you our marriage and fertility, all our hopes and trials, all our joys and sorrows. Let me never worry because your maternal love will guide us to Your dear Son Jesus. Let me never despair and always trust in your most powerful intercession.Thank you dear Mother for being there for us.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Harden not my heart Oh Lord!
Why do you allow yourself to cling onto hope cycle after cycle? After last cycle's let down, I had convinced myself that I wouldn't worry myself in the post-peak phase. I was wrong!
The first few days of the post-peak phase went ok and I was completely normal. This was short lived. I began Progesterone on P+3. I hate you Progesterone for Pregnancy like Symptoms which I couldn't ignore how much ever I tried. I had slight lower left cramps occasionally and I kept wondering if it was implantation. I had sore bbs and tried convincing myself that it was a pregnancy symptom.
With the Prayer Buddy Season going, I kept reassuring myself that I could be pregnant this cycle. I allowed myself to hope and dream. I was so happy to see Pregnancy Announcements and it gave me more hope. Moreover, last month was the 3rd anniversary of my Ectopic Pregnancy and I hoped that God would bless me once again with a pregnancy. Who am I to demand?
I had convinced myself that I wouldn't waste a HPT until I was P+14. But I remembered how I had got faint positives from 10DPO with my previous miscarriages. And as every cycle, I tested on P+10 to find absolutely nothing. So here I am back to reality after shedding a few tears. I am convinced that it is not easy to get pregnant with one tube. I don't even know if I am ovulating on the side I have the tube. I have failed miserably. I don't know what I need to do. I feel numb. I keep getting negative thoughts like I am never going to be pregnant and that I will be childless. I know these thoughts are from the devil.
I know I will get through this cycle but Prayer Buddy if you could say an extra prayer for me. I need hope to go on in life. I don't want to be a miserable human being. I need the grace to accept my cross with joy. I need to grow in love and faith. My dear Jesus, please give me patience as I struggle under the weight of my cross. Harden not my heart Oh Lord! Make me humble. Allow me to love you more and more. My dear Mother, please intercede for me. May my suffering bring me closer to your beloved Son and help me on my journey to Heaven.
The first few days of the post-peak phase went ok and I was completely normal. This was short lived. I began Progesterone on P+3. I hate you Progesterone for Pregnancy like Symptoms which I couldn't ignore how much ever I tried. I had slight lower left cramps occasionally and I kept wondering if it was implantation. I had sore bbs and tried convincing myself that it was a pregnancy symptom.
With the Prayer Buddy Season going, I kept reassuring myself that I could be pregnant this cycle. I allowed myself to hope and dream. I was so happy to see Pregnancy Announcements and it gave me more hope. Moreover, last month was the 3rd anniversary of my Ectopic Pregnancy and I hoped that God would bless me once again with a pregnancy. Who am I to demand?
I had convinced myself that I wouldn't waste a HPT until I was P+14. But I remembered how I had got faint positives from 10DPO with my previous miscarriages. And as every cycle, I tested on P+10 to find absolutely nothing. So here I am back to reality after shedding a few tears. I am convinced that it is not easy to get pregnant with one tube. I don't even know if I am ovulating on the side I have the tube. I have failed miserably. I don't know what I need to do. I feel numb. I keep getting negative thoughts like I am never going to be pregnant and that I will be childless. I know these thoughts are from the devil.
I know I will get through this cycle but Prayer Buddy if you could say an extra prayer for me. I need hope to go on in life. I don't want to be a miserable human being. I need the grace to accept my cross with joy. I need to grow in love and faith. My dear Jesus, please give me patience as I struggle under the weight of my cross. Harden not my heart Oh Lord! Make me humble. Allow me to love you more and more. My dear Mother, please intercede for me. May my suffering bring me closer to your beloved Son and help me on my journey to Heaven.
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