Thursday, March 10, 2011

Can I Hope?

Last evening after returning home from Mass, I had promised myself that I would wait until 14 DPO to take a HPT. When I woke up this morning, I forgot everything and had a strong urge to test although it was only 11 DPO. I dipped the strip in FMU and waited for how long I don't remember. I knew it was going to be negative and so I walked out and poured out my heart to the Lord. After a while, I came back and to my surprise, there was a very faint line. I couldn't believe it. I showed the strip to DH and he agreed there was a very faint line but he asked me to wait until it was clearly dark.

I had a difficult time thinking clearly and a thousand questions played in my mind.
What if it's an evaporation line???
What if the tests don't get darker like the last time???
What if it ends in an early m/c?
Should I run to the store and get a few more tests to confirm?

Oh my Dear Lord, I am so confused & worried. My heart is breaking to know if I have conceived or not. I don't have the patience to wait for a few more days. I need to trust in you Lord but somehow I feel so helpless. My Luteal Phase is usually 14 days. Should I wait to see if my period begins or not? Should I get a Beta HCG ?The last time, I tested positive from 12 DPO but the lines never darkened till 17 DPO. I had Beta draws and the levels dropped drastically and the doc said it was an Early Miscarriage.

I have no symptoms thus far and it frightens me so much. I wish every bit of my body ached. I want to dream that this is the cycle that I have waited for... I want to hope that I will have a baby in my arms in another 9 months. I want to know that my baby has implanted well and is safe in my womb. Oh Jesus! Your will be done. Oh my dear Mother, please pray for us! Have mercy on us O Lord! Please give me the courage to accept your will. I thank you for all the blessings you have showered on us.


  1. Oh my sweet friend! What a rollercoaster! My first question is are you on any shots or meds??? I take HCG shots so they tell me not to take a test b.c it would show a false positive b.c of the HCG levels. BUT if you are not on anything and you saw a line, THAT IS A BIG DEAL!!!!!!!

    I don't know what to think either!!! Try try try to be calm b.c you don't want to put your body through too much stress. Call your doctor and tell them. They will call you in to take blood. Those blood tests will tell you everything!

    In the meantime, I am praying!

  2. Thank you so much for your prayers! I haven't been on any shots or meds other than Clomid. I tested with 2 different brands of HPT and both were positive but the lines are still faint on 13 DPO. We are praying and waiting in hope that the lines will grow darker unlike the last time.